Open Letter to Internet Marketers: Top 3 Things To Stop If You Want To Sell To Women
Pushy marketing really, well, pushes my buttons. Not the “buy now” button or the “let me tell all my friends about you” button. No, more like the “opt-out, delete, don’t ever send me another email” button and the “I am selling your stuff on e-bay today to get the stench out of my house” button. Not pretty.
What has me so hot and bothered? I received an email recently from an internet marketer who had sent a big freebie bonus offer to me. The marketer was apologizing for having referred me to someone who was so relentless in his sales pitch (fortunately, since I had not opened the offer yet, I had been spared. I felt sad for all the others who had not been). This IM wonder said he was sorry if I had been offended, being sent a free offer, that I had to go through sales page after sales page of hard hitting, multiple offers. He said he thought it was a fun salemanship roller coaster ride and hey, the guy makes big money with these techniques, so it’s all good. GRRRRR….
I’m here to tell all you internet marketers out there that, NO, it is not all good. Especially for women buyers, these techniques no longer cut it (if they ever did) and it would be a wise move, in the new social media Web 2.0 environment, for you all to get on board and get over yourself. I can’t speak for all women, but having tolerated this treatment through the thousands of dollars of products I have bought over the years, I know I am not the only one who doesn’t like what you’re putting down.
Here are the top 3 things internet marketers should stop today if you want to sell to more women.
1. No more sports and war analogies. I am an avid boxing fan. I play around at golf. I know many women who love watching and playing sports. But, sinking a slam dunk, having home court advantage, or scoring a hole in one is not the only way to describe business success. Being a player isn’t that great either (women give a fake phone number to players, not their credit card info). I am not a road warrior and I am not out to make a killing. I am not afraid of who else is out there in the market because I know my USP. I don’t need to be pitted against another human being to make my way in this world.
I am a professional business woman with a college degree, a busy life, and a passionate, vested interest in my client. I don’t want to annihlate the competition. I’d rather joint venture with them and achieve synergy. Could you sell me something by focusing on providing great service and value without me having to butcher anyone, please? No more drop dead anything, ok?
2. No more “buy now or else” and “here today, gone tomorrow” strategies. A one of a kind Monet painting is priceless. Your eBook or mentoring program is not. You can and do crank those puppies out faster than I can eat chocolate ice cream, so just stop it. Don’t artificially create or inflate scarcity. It causes me to doubt your customer service, your commitment to your client, and your ability to actually give me real value. Your 100% money back guarantee means nothing if you’re out of business. Fly by night sales technique makes me wonder if you will be around to fulfill your promises. On top of that, my life (contrary to your narrative) will still be good without your product, so you don’t need to tell me how I’m a loser or an undedicated hack unless I get off my butt now and buy your product. Bull. Bull. Bull.
It’s especially irritating when I find your “today only” sale on a google search 6 months later. That doesn’t do much for my trust in you. Are you a going concern or not? Act like it! Most women buy through trusted sources and thoroughly investigate before buying. Once they buy, they tend to be fiercely loyal. Offer me a long term relationship and I will reward you with money and more referrals than you can shake a stick at. Are you interested in that or not?
3. No more hidden, auto-renew memberships as bonuses. Offering a month or two of free access (after which time you will begin charging my credit card $39 a month) to your paid membership site as a “free” bonus, among a zillon other bonuses on a long sales page is just plain deceitful. Sure, it’s all there in writing. Sure, you’re following the letter of the law. I know the opt-out rates are low because people just aren’t observant. But if it’s really ok with you to build your business on apathy rather than true value, count me out.
Your membership site should give me so much great advice and assistance that I am banging down your door to renew. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t deserve to be on auto-pay. I know these techniques work to make money, but so do SPAM scams from a foreign diplomat. I’m not suggesting that this approach is criminal on that level, but as a woman, I value transparency, forthrightness, and being given a fully informed choice. Betrayal lasts a long time for most of us, and the old adage of a woman scorned does have some truth in it. Be bold enough to lay it all out and let me choose. No tricks, no hiding, no deception. Respect my ability to recognize a great deal and act on it. Spend more time on how you can actually benefit me rather than polishing the vanishing act routine. You’ll get my business if you do.
I know I have painted with a broad brush here. I am not a self-appointed female representative. I have to edit myself too, because I have learned marketing from mostly men who use these techniques. But editing yourself for your audience is what professional marketers do. Learning what makes your client buy is the key. (you see, I wanted to say the name of the game there, but I edited myself…hint…). I also recognize that the buyer has full culpability in this process too, which is why I am speaking up. And opting out. And building a better approach for my clients (and yes, selling off some of the worst offenders’ stuff on ebay.)
Times are changing. Permission marketing, a la Seth Godin, is where things are moving. And, women worldwide open and run more small businesses than any other single group. We make 70%+ of the purchasing decisions in households. We are well educated, dedicated, and street smart. We’re not some little girl who gets giddy when you tell her how cute she looks (although we do enjoy sincere compliments) and we all already have a daddy. We aren’t on a man basher crusade (most of us). We are business women with money to spend. Do you want some of it? Following these tips could help. Try it and see if you can score a homerun with your sales. 
Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman
June 15th, 2008 at 1:19 am
Nice writing style. Looking forward to reading more from you.
Chris Moran
June 15th, 2008 at 11:51 am
What does #3 have to do with women? Are you saying women can’t read the terms of what they are buying and should not be held responsible for their actions as men are?
Sexism like this article has no place in the business world.
June 15th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Thank you for your comments, Chris. I believe I stated in the post that I hold the buyer fully culpable for their actions, and I do hold them (myself included) responsible for reading terms. That is less the point than the idea that internet marketers, predominately male, use this technique at all. That they think it’s ok. I’ve seen some women marketers do it too, and my assertion is that it doesn’t work that well on women buyers. I am sure that there are plenty of men out there who don’t appreciate it either. That, however, was not the focus of my post, especially considering this is a blog for female entrepreneurs.
You’ll notice that I have featured men in this blog, for example Evan Carmichael, so it’s not about just gender. Evan has interviewed dozens of female (and male) entrepreneurs and he sees a difference too. It’s about buying behaviors.
I agree with you in saying my post was sexist if what you mean by sexism is that I am drawing a distinction between men and women’s buying behavior and point of view. To continue to pretend in our business world that there are no differences isn’t really supported by studies. Difference and diversity is good. Many studies have shown that men and women choose the same products differently, shop differently, and even run businesses differently. My anectdotal experience in speaking with hundreds of women supports it as well. It’s not whether I judge it to be good or bad. I don’t, which to me is at the heart of true sexism. It’s that it’s different. That’s all. In the same way a person wouldn’t market to a teenage as they do to an 80 year old, so too are there differences worth noting between marketing to men and to women. If that is sexist, ok. It’s not how I would sum it up, but I respect your point of view.
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your input. Best of success in your work.
Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman
June 15th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
[...] >>TheNeFool, Make money with E-mail and Zip Submits. >>John Cow, Follow up but be polite about it. >>Smart Woman Guides Top 3 Things To Stop If You Want To Sell To Women [...]
June 16th, 2008 at 1:42 am
I see no sexisim in this article, none at all. It is simply a viewpoint of the M & F points of buying tactics etc.
Although I cannot fully agree with Vicki on Number #1, lol, I see her viewpoint…it just doesn’t describe me.
Likewise, I am sure that not all Males have sales tactics like the afore~mentioned.
At least, I hope NOT.
June 16th, 2008 at 9:26 am
@The Muse
Fortunately, there are marketers (male and female) who do not use these techniques and tactics. They remain aware of their audience and talk to them in effective, respectful ways without resorting to tricks.
Unfortunately, many do these things (they even sell courses in how to do them!), which is why I decided to take a stand. I’d love to have even just a small part in moving internet marketing in general to a more universal and compassionate approach. Power to the people!
Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman
June 16th, 2008 at 9:47 am
@Chris Moran.
Thanks for dropping by and for the compliment. If you would, please pass on the word about us to others you think could benefit—digg us, link to us, rate us on technorati as a favorite. The more, the merrier!
Best of success to you!
Vicki
June 18th, 2008 at 9:13 am
Vicki,
LOL! That was a Slam Dunk! (just kidding)
Seriously - I also get so tired of the sports analogies and uber aggressive language. It’s a total turn off.
We’ve found that a lot of this “sales hype” language is simply not as effective as it used to be - for men and women.
Today, it’s less about conquering and more about connecting.
great stuff!
Holly
June 18th, 2008 at 10:15 am
@Holly,
I agree with you that the techniques I’ve called out are becoming less effective for both sexes. The wonderful thing about marketing is that it’s self-correcting. At a certain point, when it costs too much and reaches too few, it changes.
I am hopeful of a future that includes more connecting. Marshall Thurmond talks about the societal shift that’s occuring and says that in the middle of a revolution you might not know it’s happening and you can deny it. Once it’s over and you’ve squandered the opportunities it presented because you wouldn’t embrace the fundamental changes that were occurring, it’s easy to see. I want to be one who leveraged the opportunities, not ignored them.
Thanks for visiting! You all should go check out Holly’s site—it’s amazing.
Vicki
June 26th, 2008 at 2:18 am
Great article about tactics of internet marketing. Your way of thinking is quite interesting which makes us awake.
July 5th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
marketing is such a funny term … built on the fear that there isn’t enough to go around? or that i can get more stuff to move in my direction? does that create a hole somewhere else?
i think it should be replaced with a different term … maybe “expression”, as in self expression, or product expression, concept expression
“marketing” cannot escape an implied manipulation, much in the vein of public relations or advertising …
there has to be another way, a completely selfless way, really based on giving
July 5th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
@ Gregory. Yes, I agree. Marketing is a loaded word and we could invent another that captures a different sentiment. I like your suggestions about expression. The word communication comes to mind for me, too and Service. You have given me something to think about and inspired a future post. Thank you.
Vicki
November 25th, 2008 at 6:53 pm
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