Use Guru Wisdom As Your Jumping Off Point
I am a firm believer in mentors. I use the word guru in a playful and partly kidding way (well, except for my actual spiritual guru), but I know of a handful of amazing people I would consider at that level, a business or marketing or sales guru. Some of mine include Seth Godin, Jay Abraham, Brian Tracy, and others.
It is usually easy for me to feel comfortable recognizing others with more expertise, ability, and experience. I value interacting with people farther along a path than I am or with a more refined and capable skill set. I like having people around me that know more than I do. I’d rather had a “better me” than a “mini me” to work together with. Here’s where I have to digress, though.
Just because someone is a guru does not mean that what they suggest to do is always the very best thing for you to actually do. It’s tempting to not question someone who is so far ahead of where you are that you can’t hardly see where they’re coming from, but it’s not a good course of action. You have to incorporate the information into your own situation. You have to evaluate if their course of action resonates with your own goals and values.
What I like to do is use guru wisdom as my jumping off point. I listen with an open mind, say yes to everything they are saying in the initial stages of learning, so I don’t turn a blind eye to something I really need to change or know, and then see how it all feels in my gut. I listen to my own reaction to ensure that what I choose to do is proper for me.
Sometimes a guru’s wisdom triggers a creative idea in me, a better idea. Sometimes it brings me clarity on what I don’t want to do. Sometimes it makes me realize I need to embrace some new values. Sometimes it’s exactly what I need to hear at exactly the right time and it spurs me on to action.
When a guru’s idea doesn’t seem right to me, my next step is to ask myself if there is a block in my mindset which is preventing me from seeing the wisdom in the guru’s words. Just like riding a bike felt strange the first time, sometimes new ideas need to be experienced a bit before they feel right. The whole point of a blind spot is that we can’t see there. And, blind spots are definitely worth eliminating.
With all this in mind, if an idea doesn’t work for me, I don’t use it, regardless of the high status the person who suggested it may have. It takes courage to move counter to someone more successful, or happier, or smarter, or whatever. But, ultimately, you have to look yourself in the mirror. You are responsible for what you choose, not them.
Gurus are people. They make mistakes like you. They may be more right more often than you are, but they are still living in the world, just like you. While you can offer them respect and attention, and you can learn amazing things from them, at the end of the day, it’s important that you unconditionallly trust the greatest guru you know - yourself.
Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman
Tags: business, coach, entrepreneur, female, guru, mentor, power, smartwoman guides, Vicki Flaugher, women
July 21st, 2008 at 9:07 am
I think your advice about what to do when listening to a guru or mentor is excellent. Years ago, I read about a study that showed most mentoring relationships don’t last beyond the first few years, and often end on a sour note. The interpretation was that too often mentors are only able to relate to the apprentice as long as the learner doesn’t deviate from the advice or thinking of the mentor. It made me think of the rifts that occurred between great thinkers in the past (for example, Freud and Erik Erikson) when the student eventually saw something that the guru had missed.
But as you point out, we all have blind spots, including the gurus, and we all ultimately have to find our own path. So I’ve been interested in a more recent perspective which views the relationship between the guru and the apprentice as more mutual, one in which each can learn from the other. It seems to me that if this kind of spirit permeated the relationship, it could continue as a friendship long after the apprentice had gone their own creative way. As a former teacher who mentored many students, it seems to me that even when I had pretty much “all” the expertise in the relatiohship, I learned many things - such as how students understand and misunderstand what I am trying to teach them, what is most difficult in implementing what I’m showing them, etc. And as they mature, and bring their sometimes startling questions to our discussions, I am taken aback and see that I need to reconsider some of the most fundamental “truths” that I had been conveying.
Thanks for your post. Your readers might also find a book by Eric Maisel, entitled Fearless Creativity, helpful if they are artistic - Maisel has a wonderful section on how to get feedback about ourselves as developing artists that expands on your basic ideas.
July 21st, 2008 at 9:29 am
@Madeleine Thank you for your comments. I agree with your viewpoint. I definitely prefer when a mentor takes a shared role rather than a superior one. When I think back to people I consider my all time great teachers or mentors, they are ones who respected me as an equal in spirit, honored my learning process, and were able to celebrate and recognize when I exceeded them in certain areas. When I have had teachers who were uncomfortable with my growing past them or in a different way, the relationship was short lived. Almost sounds like advice a parent could consider taking, right? Imagine what our children could become if we took this shared role more fully rather than a more strictly authoritarian approach. Some parents do and it usually shows in the child’s flexibility of mind and curiousity.
Thanks for visiting. If you’d like to be a guest writer, let me know and I will arrange for you to create a post for the readers here. I am sure everyone who visits SmartWomanGuides could benefit from a discussion on how to uncover and move past their blind spots.
Vicki