Victoria Pynchon is an amazing woman. After being top of her law class, with 25 years experience as an accomplished corporate litigator managing complex cases, she decided to make a change. Instead of continuing to play the role of trained assassin, always fighting for the hardcore kill, she moved into alternative dispute resolution – mediation and arbitration.

Victoria generously visited with me for about an hour to have a kitchen table chat. As we both make ourselves lunch, we chatted about how we met on Twitter, why we made the choice of working for ourselves, and a few other day to day niceties. She has a delightful personality that makes it easy to understand why she is so successful at facilitating agreements in her work.

Our conversation moved into Victoria’s career choices and how they have affected her life. Victoria shared with me the challenges of working in a male dominated field and how those experiences helped to shape her choices. She also candidly revealed the wear and tear that always working toward a win at all costs rather than a negotiated settlement had on her, which is one of the primary reasons she shifted from being a litigator to a negotiation specialist.

After this initial warm up conversation between the two of us, it was time to turn on the recorder and cover the topic at hand – negotiation.

We covered the different styles of negotiation, distributive and interest-based, and the characteristic behaviors of each. She also shared how moving to interest-based negotiation enhances women’s ability to win negotiations and how we can use our inherent tendencies to succeed.

We talked about how all women can negotiate better to not only enhance relationships but also get what we truly desire. She shares her insights into the reasons why women might not choose to negotiate, how to do it better, and when not to do it.

Life is about choices and we are negotiating on many levels for many things every day. If it’s presenting our business plan to an investor, closing sales, getting our child dressed for school, or asking our husband to take out the trash, we are negotiating. Victoria talks about how we can use our innate nurturing natures as women to make better choices, even in a world of dog eat dog competition. By asking questions, by being empathetic, by doing our homework before a negotiation, by understanding that in fact we are in a negotiation, we can live better lives. We can make the pie bigger and more delicious.

To listen to the interview:

To download to listen later:

Victoria recommends several books and I have placed the links below. I have also placed all of her contact information so you can stay in touch with her. As you navigate (and negotiate) the holiday season,  have fun and be well. Love each other, share the information, and enjoy the conversation!

Follow Victoria on Twitter: vpynchon

Her blog on negotiation: Settle It Now Blog
Her blog on Intellectual Property Alternative Dispute Resolution: IP ADR Blog

Leigh Thompson’s book on developing the heart and mind of a negotiator.
To visit Leah’s site: Leigh Thompson’s site

Dr. Deborah Tannen’s book on the differences of men and women in communication style. To learn more about Dr. Tannen, visit her bio page here: Dr. Tannen Bio

Ask For It Site

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