Making friends fast and enemies slow is a little counter intuitive to me. And, it’s completely opposite of how I have lived much of my life. But, since embracing the fast friends and slow enemies model, I have become happier and more successful. Here’s how I see it…

Used to be that I would be cautious to get too intimate and revealing with people, holding myself back, keeping many details of my personal life (my feelings, my point of view) to myself for extended periods of time. You’d have to spend a good amount of effort to really find out about me. It was a matter of deep trust, complete respect, and immediate affinity. Yes, a handful of people took that time to get know me. And, I ended up with a small group of very close friends, all who remain lifetime friends today. I didn’t have many acquaintances or any casual friends, but the friends I did have were golden. My life is blessed to have those valuable people in it still

On the enemy side of things, I had a fast trigger (enemy is perhaps too strong of a word, but if “non-friend” works better for you, then sub that). My behavior was a protection and coping mechanism. I’d  pull away as soon as I had any clue that something bad could happen. Tuck and roll at the first sign of danger. I didn’t have to do this that often, but being the type that typically led with the benefit of the doubt, I felt more comfortable knowing I could take kerosene to any bridge I’d built and get away fast and safe. It worked, but it was tiring to maintain and easy to make judgment errors as to people’s motives and actions. I’m sure I probably let some relationships go that could have been beneficial to have. I was essentially a seek and destroy style of person.

The change came for me when I was successfully able to quit a job without destroying the relationship. That had always been hard but I made a commitment to do it and it worked. I decided that I wanted to maintain that bridge, even though I did not particularly care for the person I worked for. We weren’t going to be friends, but I saw no reason to be enemies. Not only were they powerful and connected in the community (i.e. could really damage me if I was on their hate list) but also, that the decision to leave was simply an evolution of my Self, not really anything they had done wrong (although, they still had been a bit of a jerk). I was maturing and it was changing me. That is when it all started.

Bring the story to now – social media has completely changed how I see it. Instead of demanding that the people who “qualify” as my friends be lifetime, perfect candidates, I embrace acquaintances and casual friends. I no longer insist that each friend satisfy all of my needs or desires forever. Some may be a single occurrence, blowing in like a breeze to freshen my world. Some may be an outlet to others, a portal to further relationships. Some may be like a developmental mirror, a metaphorical allegory to get to know myself more clearly. Some may be my divine appointment to serve. I have friends at every depth of emotional commitment – some I’d just say hello to at a party and some I’d give my life for. And, it’s not that I don’t value each person, even the ones that are just casual, because I do, even more than my previous way of seeing it. It’s just that now I approach it like I am weaving a rich, beautiful, universe sized tapestry of love and affection, with each thread and color and texture just one of the pieces of the entire whole.

I see my role now as an orchestrator of joy, expression, continuation, and creativity for all involved - no more seek and destroy, no more judge and jury, no more scientist testing the merits. I do my best to give those that show up and are drawn to me the room they need to give whatever gifts they are meant to and hopefully, I can give them what they are wanting, what I am meant to give them. And, I can say I have more friends of all types and I adore them all. Now, I make friends fast and enemies slow.

So, what about you? Are you a seek and destroy type or a weaver? I’d love to hear your thoughts. And, in case I haven’t said it lately – I’m glad you’re here and are a friend too.