Commanding respect – drawing a boundary about how people are welcome (and not) to treat you – is tricky business. So tricky, in fact, that I don’t do it as well as I perhaps should. Believe it or not, this is a story about my Dad, so here goes.

For Christmas, I gifted both my parents educational sessions to teach them how to trade in the stock market. They had both been grooving along with the sessions until last week when my Dad stood me up without cancellation on not just one, but two different times.

I admit I felt angry. I felt disregarded and disrespected. So, I spoke up.

I told my Dad that I was OK with him not wanting to learn the information but I was not OK with him simply not showing up for his sessions. He could pick up the phone or send me off an email canceling if he wasn’t going to show. I told him I loved him no matter what he decided and I felt that showing me at least as much courtesy as he would with a stranger he’d made an appointment with seemed fair.

My Dad got angry. He felt I was picking on him and, I guess, being unreasonable. He refused to discuss it.

All of this took me back a bit. My Dad is usually so polite, always caring about others and his commitments. Something was going on (something he wasn’t particularly willing to share with me) but I knew I could not, for my own peace of mind, let the situation go unnoticed. I knew it was the right thing to do to state my view.

I have never had the courage to talk to my Dad this way.

I felt unsure if I had done the right thing, but truth is, if he were anyone else but my Dad, I’d have no qualms about speaking up for myself.  But, as my Dad, the whole authority ball of wax kicks in, the talking back to a parent, the honoring your parents no matter what, the big mixed up stories that are the very backbone of how I learned to interface with the world. Yuck.

To be clear, I love my Dad very much and I know he loves me nearly more than Life itself. I value our relationship deeply. But, even in my nervous hesitation in my choice of speaking up, I knew I was doing the right thing for me. It was a growth exercise and I did it.

Do you have someone you need to command respect from today? Are you ready to handle your tricky business? Let me know how it works out.

Together, we are stronger,
Vicki Flaugher, aka @Smartwoman