You can’t do it through flashy ads, no matter how clever they are. Super Bowl cuties aside, very few people remember ads for very long. And, they don’t leave a permanent trail to you, like a blog post or an interview posted online can - once you quit paying, you’re gone.

You can’t do it through pushing your PR agenda. Not only do you come off as a pompous ass, but you will not drown out the voice of the Tribe when you screw up. If you haven’t been talking to them like they want to be talked to before something bad happens, it will be too late when the proverbial sheet hits the fan. Think Motrin Moms.

You can’t do it by spending more money. Cash does not make conversation - people do. If you are spending more money and employer resources on buying TV spots than on focusing on touching people, connecting with what they care about, and really listening, then you can ride that money horse awhile longer, but your days are numbered. Look what technology did to billboards - there are few if any more billboard painters. Even the cool plastic pull-on sheets are being replaced by multi-user electronic LED screens. More color, more movement, move eye catching, faster and easier to change…no amount of money promoting a painted billboard will help you anymore. It’s over and it’s likely not to come back.

But, the good news? The voice of the people and elevating its value to a higher place is changing the way we live our lives. I have friends, people who have touched me in ways that will benefit me for the rest of my days, whom I’ve never met face to face. I am able to connect my business with a huge group of passionate, interested people just by being willing to be part of the conversation. This paradigm shift will grow and the individuals who are willing to step out front, sooner rather than later, are the ones that will light the way. It feels a little early, but developing relationships take time - you have to start now.

Maybe not what you’d expect, the eybrow thing, but Kevin makes a lot of sense. He draws a distinct connection between how we use our body and how we feel and how we come off to others. He was kind and generous with his time with me at the bookstore, helping me with tips on how to do well on my next interview with Bazaarvoice. (Thanks, Kevin -  you are an angel!)

So, here’s your tip of the day - Eyebrows up!

When I examine employment vs. entrepreneurship, I actually have to admit some real advantages of corporate employment. I feel, especially in these economic times, that it’s a question worth examining for every entrepreneur who is feeling ready for a change.

I have been working for myself for about 10 years. There are many interesting and challenging aspects to it. I have loved it most of the time, but other times, not so much. Frankly, it can be an unrewarding struggle, lonely, and just plain tough. As much as I value the upside (the freedom, the flexible schedule, etc.) I am grown up enough to recognize the other side too.

Even though I left the corporate world when they told me 60 hrs a week was “lazy”, I know that not all employment (dare I say, most) is abusive like that. When I reflect on my own experiences, I can recall many years of bliss. I remember the supportive team environment, the mega pile of available resources to do the work, and the glee of going home after a hard day’s work. I confess that I miss it. To me, after years of working for myself, working at a corporate job sounds like a vacation - a welcome and exciting one.

So, I guess, this is my quiet public announcement. I am officially on the job market. My decade of marketing skills, my management experience, my BBA-Finance educational backbone, and my social media skills are up for grabs. If you know someone who needs someone like me, you can let them check out my resume here: http://bit.ly/83DMlH

In closing, I have always said that being an entrepreneur is something I am, not what I do. I will carry my entrepreneurial spirit with me wherever I go. Innovation, clever problem solving, the ability to make decisions quickly, and the chutzpah that comes with wearing many hats (and living to tell about it) is what I am made of. I embrace this change and will keep you in the loop on how it all goes. Viva la Difference!

If you listen to much of advertising, email marketing, and such (all things I completely believe in as effective marketing tools), you might notice that the underlying assumptions include scarcity, violence, competition, and fear. If you don’t “act now” you’ll lose - limited time offers, only an idiot would do nothing, if you don’t do this you will be beaten, use this software to annihilate your competition, install this plug in to keep you “safe”, etc. Many put countdown clocks and send emails with screaming ALL CAPS subject lines with urgent pleas for your money since your very existence as a entrepreneur is in peril. Hurry!! You’re in danger! Buy now or ELSE!

I find it all a bit tiring. If you ask these marketers why they do it, they inevitably say either “it works” or “it’s how it’s done.” Is that really a good enough reason? Can’t we move into this new decade with innovative tools and new approaches? Can we learn to sell without fear? What do you think?

I am doing all I can to find my own tendencies to include a scarcity and fear mentality in my approach and I’m tossing it. Want to join me? We could start a movement…

I have lived through a verbally abusive marriage. I tolerated my husband’s caustic words because I thought I was supposed to accept, tolerate, and endure. My self esteem was very low. I thought I was just supposed to tough it out, turn the other cheek, and ignore the insults. I turned off my emotions and slogged through, doing the best I could to put on a happy face and not stick out too much.

At a certain point, it was all just too much. I had a moment of epiphany that changed everything. And, I got out. It was a long, painful process, but I got out. You can listen here to me describing that epiphany moment if you wish:

Now, I have healed enough to accept my own role in the situation and to make better choices going forward. I don’t blame anyone else. But, as someone who has felt the sting of this issue, I now see examples of it everywhere. And, I am committed to awareness.

Let’s think about the places verbal abuse exists now - why do we allow the media to casually banter about the words stupid, idiot and Nazi? Why do we tell young boys to toughen up and learn to fight back to the bully on the playground? Why do we think that a boss yelling at us is just part of the job? Why do we stifle our dreams because we are told we’re crazy, an unrealistic dreamer, or worse too screwed up to ever follow through on something that important because we’ve never done anything right before.

We tend to look past these every day examples, explaining it as “how it is”. I have seen both sides of this and I can tell you, it’s not how it is. It’s how we choose it to be. We all have the power to begin to ratchet down the histrionics and choose differently - choose more kindly. When we accept our role in pervasive verbal abuse, we can begin to shift away from it. The massive amounts of energy being used to defend and protect ourselves begins to become available for creativity and fun. The change starts with us.

So, next time you write an email subject line like “You’d be crazy not to take this offer” or you decide that fear based marketing “Do it now or you’ll always be a loser” is the best approach, I am asking you to reconsider your technique. The next time you call someone a moron because they don’t agree with your political position, check yourself. Imagine a man calling your daughter an idiot. Imagine her making the choice to tolerate the insults because she saw you participating in that. See it forward and I suspect you will reconsider your need to spew.

Never before in my life have I felt such an outpouring of gratefulness, generosity, and caring as I have witnessed over the last several weeks. Don’t know if I was just wearing the right clothes, or smelled just so, but I have had the pleasure of seeing some amazing things first hand. And, I feel glad from it.

Everywhere around us, we witness the world. Some of it can seem frightening. If you listen to the general attention monger media, you might conclude that we should all be in a constant state of fear.

But here’s the deal - fear is a state of mind, not an automatic reaction. When we open our eyes to beauty and miracles, we see that instead. Call me a rose-colored glasses wearing optimist, but hope and forward looking visioning feels better to experience. It gives me more strength of spirit to face the issues that need addressing and to take action. Fear cripples - hope and love uplift. Fear is a choice and it is not my choice today.

In honor of this elation and well…gratitude I feel for the wondrous and hopeful things I see around me, I thought I would share with you some of my favorite causes. If you have one you love, please list it in comments below so we can all know about the good work they are doing and how we can help.

Kiva.org - Microlending site: For as little as $25 you can provide much needed credit assistance to deserving entrepreneurs worldwide. Most entrepreneurs who use microlending are women.
RoomToRead.org - Literacy program started by ex-Microsoft executive, John Wood, that builds libraries throughout the developing world. Room to Read’s programs have reached more than three million children so far and hopes to improve literacy for ten million children by 2020.
WomenForWomen.org - Women for Women International provides women survivors of war, civil strife and other conflicts with the tools and resources to move from crisis and poverty to stability and self-sufficiency.
Charity: Water - Almost a billion people on the planet don’t have access to clean drinking water. That’s one in eight of us. charity: water is a non-profit organization bringing clean and safe drinking water to people in developing nations. 100% of public donations directly fund water projects.

We have the power within ourselves to create a world of peace, understanding, tolerance, and health. Thank you to everyone who is working toward this vision - know that many of us stand in gratitude for what you do.

Together, we are stronger!

Vicki Flaugher, CEO
SmartWomanGuides.com