If you’re sitting at a family gathering this holiday season, controversy is very likely to arise. Whether it be the latest political scandal, the definition of marriage, or the meltdown of the US auto industry, if your family is like most, someone (maybe everyone) is likely to disagree on something (maybe everything).

The common wisdom is you never talk about sex, religion, or politics in polite company. The media gets a pass somehow on talking about these things - and get paid big bucks to do it - but we’re supposed to refrain because we might offend someone.

I’m here to tell you that, in marketing yourself, avoiding controversy is not always the way to go.

I’ve always been opinionated but in a business environment, I’ve tended to not engage in controversy because I was afraid of tarnishing my reputation or perhaps saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person. Also, some people are just plain mean when they debate and I didn’t like that. I didn’t want to be mean back, so I stayed on the sidelines, above the fray.

Recently, one of my favorites on Twitter, @CoachDeb, asserted that jumping into the hot button conversations is a way to engage your audience, to get noticed. She is very good at engaging her audience on social media sites like Twitter and I feel I am less than good at that, so, with her suggestion, I decided I would go for it. I tried some things, and they worked, so I thought I could share some simple guidelines for you shy readers out there that are interested in giving controversy a try.

1.  Attack the issue not the person

Name calling will fly, but you don’t have to do it. In fact, seek out individuals who argue issues, not attack  you, and reciprocate in kind. There are many people out there who enjoy a healthy debate and it’s a mental exercise rather than an opportunity for a “kick the dog” venting on another human being. It’s fun to them to stretch their mind muscle and they like to see other people’s passion. Find those people and engage on an issue.

If you end up getting attacked by someone aggressively rude, disengage and say why. I would say something like “I’m happy to debate issues, but name calling’s not needed here”.  If they don’t back off, stop talking to them, block them, unfollow them, whatever. Don’t back away just because someone gets passionate, but don’t take the bait to be rude yourself. Remember that in complex issues, sometimes you (or someone else) may feel two ways about one subject. Allow yourself and others the room to be complex, complicated, and conflicted. We all are torned about something - at least the person is admitting it when they express seemingly mutually exclusive views. I’d give them points for honesty.

2.  Show your emotions, speak your logic

It’s ok to express your emotions in your controversy style. Be authentic, but if something peeves you, say so. If you have to couch your irrationality in terms of “My mind tells me this shouldn’t bother me, but __________ really makes me mad!” then do that. Or, you can just say, “_____________ makes me mad.”, without apology or equivocation. It’s your choice on how forceful you want to be. Be honest in your feelings but express them. People interested in engaging on controversy basically need to see your heart. If you have the heart of a lion, let it roar! Don’t let your emotions rule you, but don’t stuff them either.

The other component of this is that you can and probably should include logic. If you have facts, figures, and examples that highlight your point of view, feel free to use them. Many traditional debaters (especially men) expect you to honor logic over feelings and will use logical fallicies to twist the argument. They see an argument as a test of skill on the activity of debating in addition to the actual debate of the topic at hand. If you want to engage with that type of debater, learn some tricks, or find a more gentle debater to engage with in the beginning. Logic only goes so far for me, as I think many things are decided by irrational emotion and I use that as part of my argument. There is enough inconsistency in our world to find examples that are on the opposite side of anyone’s arguments. Statistics are a fools game, as numbers can be applied in many differing ways. Don’t get trapped in logic, but use it as often as you can in your debates.

3.  Take a stand for what you truly believe in

I have had some interesting debates about poverty, unemployment, and personal liberties. Those are things I have strong feelings about and a well-developed personal viewpoint on. I believe that food and shelter are a right that belongs to each and every one of us, regardless of whether we have a job or not. There are many who think you have to earn your right to food and shelter. It’s a hot button issue. Ultimately, no one wants someone to be homeless, but the means toward the end is what is at issue. By speaking up about my feelings on this issue, I have attracted attention from other like-minded people as myself. By broadcasting my own believes and positions, others who want companionship in that same position and lifestyle gravitate toward me. Without revealing my view, those people may not have known that I was one of them.

You will find many who take a “devil’s advocate” point of view, who take the opposite side of an argument, especially the most unpopular side of it, just to get a rise out of you, just to create controversy. They either get juice out of pushing buttons or they enjoy the chase. Regardless, if you decide to do that, keep in mind that it demonstrates a certain personality trait and if that trait is not accurate, don’t engage that way. It’s one thing to be passionate about what your heart tells you, it’s another to be a jerk who simply likes to argue. Who would you hire? Probably not the jerk.

By keeping in mind that we are engaging in the social media environment as a marketing tool, as a way to reveal our truest, most authentic, and transparent self, you will make the best choices on how to conduct yourself. Everything you say speaks to who you are, including your willingness to stand up for what you believe in. Simply staying on the sidelines doesn’t show your fierce loyalty to quality, or your determination to give great service, or your confidence in your ability to make choices. By engaging in honest, human controversy and being willing to show who you are, you are steps ahead of someone who prefers safe to real. Get real and have fun with it. It will reap rewards for you.

Happy holidays to everyone. Peace!

Together, we are stronger!
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

Follow me on Twitter: SmartWoman

Yep, that’s right. I am seeking a fiery woman to speak her mind on my blog. A woman other less enlightened people would call uppity, or strong minded, or maybe even downright stubborn. If this is YOU, dear sister, then know that you are invited and truly welcome here.

You see,  I tend to be a modulator, a moderator, a peacemaker/keeper. Been one all my life, actually. I have sometimes behaved in slightly anti-social ways–being a self-employed entrepreneur is slightly anti-societal–but I can also be observed following rules, mediating…some would say leading a bit of a boring life. I like who I am, but it doesn’t always start a good discussion.

So,  I decided to embrace my true self, admit my “can’t we all just get along?” attitude and find someone else besides me that could do a better job at stirring things up. I know you are out there.

I’m not looking for vulgarity but rather passion of thought. You can write about just about anything women care about. Some suggestions might be sexism, discrimination, ageism, marriage, divorce, society’s beauty standard, the battle of the sexes….it’s wide open.  I need it to be radical and thought provoking so others will flock  to our great community here and engage. I’d even consider using a male author with the right approach. Controversy is encouraged.

So, is that fiery woman you? If it is, contact me.  I will set you up as a guest author on my site and you can have your way with the topic of your choice.

And, thanks, in advance. I am grateful for those who speak out and stand up. I admire you.

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher,  the original SmartWoman