As some of you may know, I talk about “The Second Coming of Age”, this magical time that 35-55 year old women experience. It’s an awakening of Spirit, a shifting of priorities, and I’ve yet to meet a women who doesn’t go through it. It’s scary, it’s enlightening, and it changes us.

My own Second Coming of Age is why I started my online life, it’s why I am where I am today, and it’s something that, once I learned how to deal with it, has enriched me. This is the meat of what we talk about during this 15 minute interview.

I hope it can give you some insight on how to manage your own transformation. Here’s to love, life, and happiness!

Click on the link below to go to Karen’s site and listen to the interview:

SmartWoman Vicki Flaugher interview with Karen Hodges

Recently, I launched a week long experiment to only use original content in my online business

First, the week ended two weeks ago and I am still mostly using only original content. Although it was hard, I am now in a groove and have shifted my focus successfully. I have decided I will include some research statistics, but gone are the stale quotes, constant reference links to other people’s work, clip art and more. I am still experimenting, as my overall goal remains to be engaging, informational, and helpful to my audience, but I like how it’s developing. The feedback has been good, so I am going to keep developing this concept. I’ve grown to like it and my audience seems to also – surprise #1!

Second, I have realized, when I went back to my archive of blog posts, that I need to write more timelessly. For example, write about a holiday without saying “today is Memorial Day”.  That way, years later, the blog post won’t seem as dated. As I have offered up my posts for reference in my social media blurbs, I have edited them to bring them current. If I had been more aware in my original writing, I wouldn’t have to go back and edit, so, I am writing differently ongoing. So, writing more timelessly works to preserve longer term relevance – Surprise #2!

Third, this experiment has made me realize the power of simply showing up. Reflecting back and seeing the archive of work to choose from, I realized that I actually have a boatload of work (and if I don’t say so myself, it’s pretty good stuff!). I was just plugging along, doing my thing, but looking back on it now, I really showed up. WOOT! When the days get long and you wonder what the heck you are doing, go back and reflect to grow. Showing up really does add up – it works! Surprise #3!

I can’t tell you I will only offer up original content ongoing. I do like promoting what other people are doing. I’ll figure out how to do it in a creative and fresh way. But, I can say that if I were to takeaway only one thing from my experiment, it would be this – it’s OK to be me. Creators with ideas that are innovative and unique are craved in the market place. You could be that person too. So, be quotable, state your mind, get your groove on, and just show us you. It might surprise you too!

Together, we are stronger!
Vicki Flaugher, aka @Smartwoman

You can’t do it through flashy ads, no matter how clever they are. Super Bowl cuties aside, very few people remember ads for very long. And, they don’t leave a permanent trail to you, like a blog post or an interview posted online can – once you quit paying, you’re gone.

You can’t do it through pushing your PR agenda. Not only do you come off as a pompous ass, but you will not drown out the voice of the Tribe when you screw up. If you haven’t been talking to them like they want to be talked to before something bad happens, it will be too late when the proverbial sheet hits the fan. Think Motrin Moms.

You can’t do it by spending more money. Cash does not make conversation – people do. If you are spending more money and employer resources on buying TV spots than on focusing on touching people, connecting with what they care about, and really listening, then you can ride that money horse awhile longer, but your days are numbered. Look what technology did to billboards – there are few if any more billboard painters. Even the cool plastic pull-on sheets are being replaced by multi-user electronic LED screens. More color, more movement, move eye catching, faster and easier to change…no amount of money promoting a painted billboard will help you anymore. It’s over and it’s likely not to come back.

But, the good news? The voice of the people and elevating its value to a higher place is changing the way we live our lives. I have friends, people who have touched me in ways that will benefit me for the rest of my days, whom I’ve never met face to face. I am able to connect my business with a huge group of passionate, interested people just by being willing to be part of the conversation. This paradigm shift will grow and the individuals who are willing to step out front, sooner rather than later, are the ones that will light the way. It feels a little early, but developing relationships take time – you have to start now.

Maybe not what you’d expect, the eybrow thing, but Kevin makes a lot of sense. He draws a distinct connection between how we use our body and how we feel and how we come off to others. He was kind and generous with his time with me at the bookstore, helping me with tips on how to do well on my next interview with Bazaarvoice. (Thanks, Kevin -  you are an angel!)

So, here’s your tip of the day – Eyebrows up!

Save the date – December 2nd!
Wednesday, 9 AM CT

World premier of SmartWoman TV with live streaming Encouragement Camp

Enjoy office hours with me as we discuss your challenges, your triumphs, and how the year ahead is looking for you. Nothing but good news and help coming your way (and probably some free gifts too) so be sure to visit on Wednesday.

On my trip, I made a commitment to myself that I would open my mind to whatever food that was put on my plate. Generally, I am not a fussy eater, but I can get squeamish about what some people consider food. I watch the Food Network and love it but, still, I am often amazed at the crazy things that get served at family tables worldwide.

To start the ball rolling, I’ve made a list of all the things I tried (and YES, enjoyed!) while I was visiting in China last week. These are food items that I had never eaten before. Most, I would eat again. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to add to this list of the adventurous things you’ve tried. It’s a soul stretching experience and you have the chance to play along!

• Soft shell turtle
• Salted goose head (w/beak attached)
• Abalone
• Sea urchin
• Chicken feet
• Duck palms (the webbing between their feet)
• Duck innards soup (heart, liver, gizzard, and intestines)
• Sea cucumber
• Bitter melon
• Pigeon (displayed full bodied, with head and feet included on the plate)
• Chicken tongue
• Eel (the little bones surprised me)
• Pig stomach lining
• Pig tail (yes, the curly little tail you see on piggies)
• Pig feet
• Fish terrine (remember those jello molds at picnics? Add fish)
• Fish roe
• Jelly fish (it’s grisly and glutenous)

I am sure I am missing a few, but this is a start. Now it’s your turn – share your growth experience about yourself that you learned through food. Risky and scary is good – eating it anyway is better! And, extra gold star if you were able to move past your fears and enjoyed it past your prejudice. Bon Appetit!

Every day we have the opportunity to use the mundane actions we do all the time in our business and our lives to gain a sudden and deep insight. I personally value epiphanies tremendously but I realized that I haven’t had that many lately. I’ve decided to spend this month allowing them, welcoming them and I’ll be sure to report back what I find out.

So – today I am asking the question and standing ready to shift, radically and completely. You wanna play too?

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Beyond Words: founded 14 years ago by Nitsan Gordon–Giles, a professional dance/movement therapy counselor, this is a group that brings together Israeli, Arab, and Palestinian women to heal through movement, touch, and listening. I met Nitsan at a FLOW event last week and she was a gentle, focused and joyful person. She told her story how, as a child, she had to live in bomb shelters, and how she was tormented in US school by the other kids because she was the only Jew. Here is an excerpt from the Beyond Words website about why it’s important to undermine prejudice:

Why is it important to transform prejudices in Israel?

Mainly because as evidenced from our own past and that of so many others around the world, prejudice can lead to incredibly destructive, horrific actions.

Also if the “need” for prejudiced behavior is not addressed, it can be passed on to the next generation. In the Middle East prejudice permeates large sections of the region’s populations and transforming it in Israel is our responsibility as a sovereign state, and is within our reach, and possibilities.

We believe changes begin at home and in the community. As women are educated about their rights and taught to work through their fears and support one another, they realize that their lives could be different. Gradually they become stronger and better able to stand up for their own rights and the rights of their children. As their self confidence and awareness increase they are able to create a more open, loving, respectful and accepting atmosphere in their homes. Consequently their children grow up treating others with more respect, empathy and compassion and realize the many choices they have to solve every problem that do not include aggression and violence.

Because the Middle East is such a “hot spot” involving more than three of the worlds’ religions and much of the world’s supply of oil, the lack of stability in the Middle East affects and endangers the rest of the world and in fact the survival of humanity on this planet. It is therefore crucial to create programs that undermine prejudices and encourage dialogue, justice and a shared society.

This particular group is based on Law of Attraction concepts and includes life and love coaches, an artist, and myself. We bring our business or life issues to the table and ask for whatever help we need from the group. It is an eternal spring of epiphany, insight, enduring support, and creative ideas. It feeds me.

This last session, I talked about the transformation my life is going through, how I am shifting and how I felt I needed to go 40 days into the desert to figure out what to do next. One of the members told me she thought that I had already been in the desert and it was time to envision getting out. She also recommended to use my favorite every day actions to help me, so as I described the feeling I get when I am singing, she told me “Your Song is Your Eye”. Her statement felt like a lightening bolt up my spine.

They all commented next on how I use metaphor based in music and song to describe life -  harmony, flow, tempo, beauty, scale, performance, being in tune. I had never really noticed it so much, but it was dead on. Could music, which I so often neglect, and song, which I am always longing to do more of, really be such an instrumental vehicle of spiritual growth for me? Apparently.

So, I made the commitment to sing every day as a sort of meditation. And, for those of you who don’t sing, here’s what I have to do to sing well – I have to activate and allow my natural and trained talent, relax my gut, breathe deeply, use a gentle and purposeful push without too much force, allow the words to take on a life of their own, be aware of singing to an audience but not overly concerned about it, practice, have confidence, become the Song. It is an immediate feedback loop that sends beauty out and relaxation in.

My singing is my way of letting Life flow through me. When I am singing well, it feels like I am having a conversation with God. That may sound corny, but it’s how I feel. And, it wasn’t until it was brought to my attention by loving friends that I realized it. Indeed my song is my eye.

So, now I’m wondering about you. What is your metaphor or life story vehicle? Do you have one? Do you perhaps use gardening to describe your point of view – cultivation, careful tending, weeding, and harvesting the fruits of your labor? Do you use sports – competition, discipline, training, winning? No life metaphor is better than any other but I am beginning to feel we probably all have one. What’s yours? You’re invited to share.

Be well!

Vicki

P.S. Here’s a small snipit of Time After Time from my first practice session with my new guitar friend. It’s our first time together, and it’s just an open mic recording, but it is nice – and it only gets better from here. Enjoy!

I find myself at a crossroads. For some time now, I’ve blogged about the how-to for women entrepreneurs. I can honestly say that I’ve done that with a loving and well-meaning heart. I’ve shared what I know, my point of view, and the many experts I have met. I have enjoyed my work.

But, here’s the deal – I feel like a fraud.

You see, I have a confession to make. I haven’t yet seen the success I wish I had, the success I’d like you to have. It doesn’t feel right to blog about something I barely feel I know.

So, SmartWoman Guides is shifting – today, now.

From now on, I am not going to hand out advice or words of wisdom about going this place, or doing that thing. I’m not going to assert anything for you. I am going to speak to you from my heart, from the place I’m at as I focus, change, and dare I say it – mention the elephant in the room.

What elephant, you ask? Like many of you I have met, I have a tendency to give to others first. Instead of nurturing myself, honoring my intuition, and taking time for my inner dialogue, I keep giving. Service is important, but, as I have said so many times, you put on your own oxygen mask first. This, I guess, is my way of doing that.

I pledge to offer a more intimate and deeply honest revelation of myself to you. I will allow and fully own my thoughts and feelings about finding my way in this world, making a living, sharing my gifts. I will let example be the teacher. If there is anger, fear or sadness, I will not hide it behind a mask of optimism. I will express it and release it hoping that, by giving myself permission to be more real, you too will do so in your own life.

This blog will shift more toward the inspirational and motivational issues of being a whole, contributing woman in this wonderful world I call home. I’ll discuss life balance, finding pleasure, discovering purpose and how I’m doing outrageous things to move myself forward.

The “professional marketer” in me is screaming bloody murder, saying “Don’t make this all about you! Nobody wants to hear that! People want to hear about what’s in it for them. They don’t care about YOU.” I acknowledge my approach won’t appeal to everyone. I pray that you will discover something you can relate to here. If not, then I thank you for your support up until now and bid you farewell and best wishes.

But, if there is anything I can take away from my SmartWoman Guides experience so far, it is this – you, fine reader, are an excellent person. You have a wealth of knowledge, a depth of experience, and an amazing ability to touch the heart of the matter. I feel without a shadow of doubt that I am in such fine company as I welcome this renewed commitment to the exploration of Life that I cannot possibly lose. I am among friends and I feel blessed.

My highest hope for this experience between us is that each of us learns our path, that we walk it through self-reliance, and that we are a comfort to each other as we find our way. So, I am retiring the “teacher” mode and am going to just express Vicki, with all her glorious quirks, pitfalls, and attributes. I will be honored for you to just express YOU too -not the roles you play, but the real Self inside. Consider this your official invitation.

Thank you for everything!

Vicki