Recently, I had the pleasure of winning a complimentary business coaching session. I loved the experience and I learned something very valuable: Do what you love in business.

But is it really that easy to know what that is? I don’t think so. We all get wrapped up in shoulds, and goals, and to-do lists, and expectations that are more rooted in fantasy than action. I am a strong proponent of big ideas, so it’s not that part of it that worries me really. More the part about the “shoulds”.

How much happiness comes from living a life of “should”?  Not much, really. Sure, you’re going to pay your bills and there is happiness in that. It’s much easier to be happy with a roof over your head and a meal in your belly. But, is that the point you’re at? Are you at that edge or are you closer to the middle where you do have the financial room to reevaluate your path?

If you are on the edge, get help (If you don’t know how, email me and I’ll do what I can to get you resources). Many a triumph has come from rags to riches. But, if you’re in the middle and would like to live a more passionate life, I would like to share the trick my coach asked of me:

Make a list of what you LOVE to do.

Put aside what you think is the logical plan. Put aside what you had lined up, what you had planned to do. Put the fast track plan you’ve imagined since college down. Step away from your presuppositions. Grab a soda or a glass of wine, find some private space, and write down the things that thrill you.

Don’t worry about how you’ll make money, not yet.  Just let the ideas flow. Connect with your heart and find out what makes you gasp with joy. Be creative. Get to the center of what it is about the things that feel good to you and really hone in on what it is about those things that work so well for you. If you like helping people, define why. Is it because you enjoy facilitating the transition, the a-ha moment? Or, do you pride yourself on teaching? Maybe you like helping people simply for a sense of service. Maybe you look to defeat ignorance. Maybe you enjoy helping people to help themselves. All of these points of view can take you in a different direction.

This process may take a few days, even weeks. Take the time to do it. Getting to know yourself will give you a laser focused awareness of your needs as a business person. It will awaken your own appreciation for your skills and desires. All of this will feed into a true passion driven vision and business plan. Don’t spend time figuring out how you’re going to turn your ideas into a job. Just savor the process of getting in touch with your wow factor.

We will discuss later this week about what to do next with your list. It’s an easier process than it may seem at first. The first step is to get to know yourself and what you love. Then, we will figure out how to transform those thoughts into opportunities.

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

I am a firm believer in mentors. I use the word guru in a playful and partly kidding way (well, except for my actual spiritual guru), but I know of a handful of amazing people I would consider at that level, a business or marketing or sales guru. Some of mine include Seth Godin, Jay Abraham, Brian Tracy, and others.

It is usually easy for me to feel comfortable recognizing others with more expertise, ability, and experience. I value interacting with people farther along a path than I am or with a more refined and capable skill set. I like having people around me that know more than I do. I’d rather had a “better me” than a “mini me” to work together with. Here’s where I have to digress, though.

Just because someone is a guru does not mean that what they suggest to do is always the very best thing for you to actually do.  It’s tempting to not question someone who is so far ahead of where you are that you can’t hardly see where they’re coming from, but it’s not a good course of action. You have to incorporate the information into your own situation. You have to evaluate if their course of action resonates with your own goals and values.

What I like to do is use guru wisdom as my jumping off point. I listen with an open mind, say yes to everything they are saying in the initial stages of learning, so I don’t turn a blind eye to something I really need to change or know, and then see how it all feels in my gut. I listen to my own reaction to ensure that what I choose to do is proper for me.

Sometimes a guru’s wisdom triggers a creative idea in me, a better idea. Sometimes it brings me clarity on what I don’t want to do. Sometimes it makes me realize I need to embrace some new values. Sometimes it’s exactly what I need to hear at exactly the right time and it spurs me on to action.

When a guru’s idea doesn’t seem right to me, my next step is to ask myself if there is a block in my mindset which is preventing me from seeing the wisdom in the guru’s words. Just like riding a bike felt strange the first time, sometimes new ideas need to be experienced a bit before they feel right. The whole point of a blind spot is that we can’t see there. And, blind spots are definitely worth eliminating.

With all this in mind, if an idea doesn’t work for me, I don’t use it, regardless of the high status the person who suggested it may have. It takes courage to move counter to someone more successful, or happier, or smarter, or whatever. But, ultimately, you have to look yourself in the mirror. You are responsible for what you choose, not them.

Gurus are people. They make mistakes like you. They may be more right more often than you are, but they are still living in the world, just like you. While you can offer them respect and attention, and you can learn amazing things from them, at the end of the day, it’s important that you unconditionallly trust the greatest guru you know – yourself.

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

There is an interesting learning model call the conscious competency model. Basically, the theory asserts that everyone goes through at least 4 stages of learning. There are some people who also add a 5th stage, although it is not as supported in study as the first 4 established stages.

You progress through the stages and you can’t skip stages but you can regress. These stages are

1.  Unconscious incompetence–where you don’t even know what you don’t know.
2.  Conscious incompetence–where you know that you don’t know but you still don’t know
3.  Conscious competence–where you know and must practice and be aware to demonstrate knowing
4.  Unconscious competence–where you no longer have to concentrate to demonstrate knowing–it has become “second nature” to you.

Where are you on your entrepreneur journey? Do you feel you even know what questions to ask to start a business? And, if you don’t even know what you don’t know, and don’t know enough to ask, how do you get started, right? It can seem difficult to conquer, but there is a way.

One of the best ways to move yourself through these stages is to have role models who have already done what you want to do. Seeking out an insightful coach or mentor, who can see through the haze you’re in and is already on the other side of it, is a way out. Even in Stage 1 when you don’t realize you are lost, you can move forward.

Your mentors can be alive or not. You can learn through observation, training tapes, direct conversations or biographies. Autobiographies are especially helpful to hear it from the source. The only thing you need is an open mind and a curious outlook. Be willling to discard past patterns and presumptions. Start with the idea that you are determined to see differently. Be willing to be shown something new, maybe even challenging, to your current paradyms.

One thing I have found helpful is to observe how your teacher teaches. Yes, what a teacher says is important, but so is how they say it. If you are learning to be a motivational speaker, you’d watch the cadence and timing of your mentor’s words. You’d observe the sequence certain types of ideas are presented in and you would watch for jokes and where they are inserted. When do they include facts? When do they include an emotional plea? If you watch enough motivational speakers you begin to see the universal patterns. These are all guideposts for you on your path. These are the types of actions that will move you through the stages sucessfully.

One final thought: you have partners in this. You are not alone in your challenges. You can come to virtual communities like this one. You can reach out to others in your local area. It’s the ones who have gone before that are inclined to reach back to you–let them. In no time at all, you’ll be doing things by second nature that you used to not even know you needed to know. It takes courage to admit you don’t know something, but it’s a natural stage and you will make it through it. I believe in you and many others do too.

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman