I am challenged by making small talk. When I go to social gatherings, I have to force myself to circulate, introduce myself, and keep a conversation going past “What do you do?”. I find that I want to go deeper, to get to the know the person more, to move past social niceties and really talk about something meaningful and real. So often, social networking events seem pitchy and fake, and I just don’t enjoy that.
I know there are books about networking, and I’ve read many of them, but I have not yet gotten over the discomfort of the whole thing. Earlier this year, I decided I would do it anyway, get myself out there, and simply connect. I’m here to say, it’s been so totally worth it. And, since I know I am not the only one who faces this challenge, here are some tips that I use to make it all work.
- Be willing to go alone to the event.
It’s easy, especially if you’re nervous, to use the person you already know, that comes with you to an event, as a crutch. Make the mental note that your new friends, the ones you don’t know yet, are there waiting for you. Being alone at a party also attracts the kind people, the ones who naturally reach out to others, to come say hello to you. Those are the types you want to meet.
- Ask questions.
You don’t want to come off as an FBI secret agent interrogator, but when you don’t know what to say, ask a question. Getting people to talk about themselves is flattering and will give you further information on what you can talk about next. Notice the words a person uses, the speed of their speech, their preferences, but don’t ever quit listening to what they are saying. Hear them with directed attention. Don’t just be formulating your next question. Really care about the answer and you will garner friends. And, when they come back with their own questions, be ready to talk about something interesting, memorable and personal. Be transparent, and talk about things you value. Your business card has all your business info on it – people need to meet YOU. Let them get to know you.
- Attend physical meetups of your online social communities.
Be sure to have your social media contact info on your business card. Give people who know you via email, Twitter, Facebook, forums, and other social online communities a way to connect your online persona with the real live you. My name is Vicki Flaugher when I introduce myself at gatherings, but I am SmartWoman online. Connect the dots so people will realize who you are. The ability to make a deeper connection more quickly and easily is just one more reason to have a current picture on your online profiles, too. I’ve been recognized in public from that and I had an immediate rapport with the person who recognized me because of our online history together. Because of that, we didn’t have to start from square one building our relationship further.
- Connect with connectors.
One of the easiest and fastest ways to build a stong network is to seek out and meet connectors, people who are the center of influence for a larger group. Mavens who naturally facilitate connections for others can be an amazing resource and are usually personable, easy to get to know, and extremely helpful. It’s in their blood, and it’s something they do naturally. If that doesn’t describe you, then make friends with a maven. They will do some of the heavy lifting for you in making great connections. One word of caution: Don’t try to be friends with people you don’t like. If you don’t click with someone, even if they have thousands of uber powerful friends, don’t force a relationship. It will come back to bite you and you will end up on a black list somewhere. Let your natural energetic attractiveness help draw the right individuals to you – it will feel right, you’ll enjoy the interaction, and it will work. If it doesn’t, there’s a good reason. Move on to someone else. Your perfect connector is out there.
- If there’re not any events happening, host one.
One of the best ways to network is to host an event. People seek you out to thank you, they introduce themselves, and they appreciate your service. You don’t hardly have to reach out at all, and you can use the guise of checking on your guests to interject yourself into smaller group conversations. Do this skillfully and you will begin being seen as a connector, and others will be drawn to network with you. Working the mojo from both angles is very effective. Giving to others, being charitable with your time, being willing to host an event, will come back to you in goodwill.
I hope these tips help you. If you have others, please post them in the comments section.
Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman
follow me at http://twitter.com/smartwoman
