Commanding respect – drawing a boundary about how people are welcome (and not) to treat you – is tricky business. So tricky, in fact, that I don’t do it as well as I perhaps should. Believe it or not, this is a story about my Dad, so here goes.

For Christmas, I gifted both my parents educational sessions to teach them how to trade in the stock market. They had both been grooving along with the sessions until last week when my Dad stood me up without cancellation on not just one, but two different times.

I admit I felt angry. I felt disregarded and disrespected. So, I spoke up.

I told my Dad that I was OK with him not wanting to learn the information but I was not OK with him simply not showing up for his sessions. He could pick up the phone or send me off an email canceling if he wasn’t going to show. I told him I loved him no matter what he decided and I felt that showing me at least as much courtesy as he would with a stranger he’d made an appointment with seemed fair.

My Dad got angry. He felt I was picking on him and, I guess, being unreasonable. He refused to discuss it.

All of this took me back a bit. My Dad is usually so polite, always caring about others and his commitments. Something was going on (something he wasn’t particularly willing to share with me) but I knew I could not, for my own peace of mind, let the situation go unnoticed. I knew it was the right thing to do to state my view.

I have never had the courage to talk to my Dad this way.

I felt unsure if I had done the right thing, but truth is, if he were anyone else but my Dad, I’d have no qualms about speaking up for myself.  But, as my Dad, the whole authority ball of wax kicks in, the talking back to a parent, the honoring your parents no matter what, the big mixed up stories that are the very backbone of how I learned to interface with the world. Yuck.

To be clear, I love my Dad very much and I know he loves me nearly more than Life itself. I value our relationship deeply. But, even in my nervous hesitation in my choice of speaking up, I knew I was doing the right thing for me. It was a growth exercise and I did it.

Do you have someone you need to command respect from today? Are you ready to handle your tricky business? Let me know how it works out.

Together, we are stronger,
Vicki Flaugher, aka @Smartwoman

In our modern times, you could make the argument that people are becoming a consumable commodity. ATMs, self-checkout lines and more point to the idea that less human interaction, with less ”please” and “thank you”, is occurring. How do clients feel about this apparent trend?

To some, they feel devalued. To others, they’d rather do things themselves. But, even the DIY crowd still appreciates a sincere smile and greeting. Why does a huge warehouse discount store like a Super Walmart’s have door greeters? They know the value of making you feel appreciated, so they compensate for the lower level of service in the aisles themselves with a human hello. They want you to remain their customer.

How do you do it? Do you treat your customers like a slab of beef? Or, do your customers feel special when they interact with your business? What do you do to make your clients (and visitors) feel special? Does what you do actually make a person feel special or do you just think it does?

If you aren’t sure of how to solve this issue, here are a few suggestions that might help:

1.  Ask for feedback. Asking is the best way to find out an answer to a question. Be sure that your clients can answer anonymously so they will feel comfortable giving you bad news if you need to hear it. Try sending a survey in the mail so they see you took the extra step instead of sending of an email. And, do something about the problems they point out. Learn and change from it. Respond.

2.  Use courtesy. Say please, thank you, and use their name when you can (and when it’s appropriate). You don’t need to be overly friendly or artificially intimate. We’ve all had the used car salesperson experience where they say your name every two seconds and call you “buddy” or “my good friend”. Not good. But, a thank you letter (or email or phone call) for a purchase  (without ANY additional sales pitch in it) really speaks volumes.

3.  Train your staff (and yourself) to see your clients as people, not prospects. Value what and who people are, not just what they can do for you. The customer already knows you want to make a sale—heck, they want to buy!–but it’s a shift in mindset to see the person first and the action second. You will behave differently if you do this. Eliminate language that denegrates a person down to commodity level–prospect, lead, mark, for example. Who wants to be a mark? No one, so don’t use that language. Quota talk and numbers games do not respect people. Your staff will follow your lead so do a reality check of yourself and how you communicate sales level expectation throughout your company. Think people not targets.

4.  Give the pitch a rest already! Every email you send should not contain a direct sales pitch. It’s called the breathe technique and living things breathe. Breathe in (relax, don’t push, provide value) and breath out (provide an offer). Depending upon your audience, it might be a 1:1 ratio or it might be 3:1 but, give your clients a rest from pushing to buy. Give them something of value to demonstrate your respect and appreciation for them. It can be educational, or a gift (with no strings attached, including an opt-in) or just a hello, we appreciate you email. If you always act like all they ever do for you is buy, you will lose. They will opt-out, they will go somewhere else, or worse, they will ignore your message. Regardless, you just lost your chance.

It’s not the Golden Rule you need to apply, but the Platinum Rule–treat others how they want to be treated. If you do, you will succeed. And, in the spirit of this post, thank you for stopping by. I am glad you came.

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman