Verbal abuse is destructive. Verbal abuse in business, or life, or really anywhere, is hurtful. And, it’s debilitating. Allowing someone to degrade you, insult you, demean you (with and/or without physical contact) has long term, insidious impact. It’s certainly not something we’d want to teach our daughters, yet many of us remain in relationships that include this abuse. We feel trapped and we know, deep inside, that it’s not the best way to live.

I have lived through a verbally abusive marriage. I tolerated my husband’s caustic words because I thought I was supposed to accept, tolerate, and endure. My self esteem was very low. I thought I was just supposed to tough it out, turn the other cheek, and ignore the insults. I turned off my emotions and slogged through, doing the best I could to put on a happy face and not stick out too much.

At a certain point, it was all just too much. I had a moment of epiphany that changed everything. And, I got out. It was a long, painful process, but I got out. You can listen here to me describing that epiphany moment if you wish:

Now, I have healed enough to accept my own role in the situation and to make better choices going forward. I don’t blame anyone else. But, as someone who has felt the sting of this issue, I now see examples of it everywhere. And, I am committed to awareness.

Let’s think about the places verbal abuse exists now – why do we allow the media to casually banter about the words stupid, idiot and Nazi? Why do we tell young boys to toughen up and learn to fight back to the bully on the playground? Why do we think that a boss yelling at us is just part of the job? Why do we stifle our dreams because we are told we’re crazy, an unrealistic dreamer, or worse too screwed up to ever follow through on something that important because we’ve never done anything right before.

We tend to look past these every day examples, explaining it as “how it is”. I have seen both sides of this and I can tell you, it’s not how it is. It’s how we choose it to be. We all have the power to begin to ratchet down the histrionics and choose differently – choose more kindly. When we accept our role in pervasive verbal abuse, we can begin to shift away from it. The massive amounts of energy being used to defend and protect ourselves begins to become available for creativity and fun. The change starts with us.

So, next time you write an email subject line like “You’d be crazy not to take this offer” or you decide that fear based marketing “Do it now or you’ll always be a loser” is the best approach, I am asking you to reconsider your technique. The next time you call someone a moron because they don’t agree with your political position, check yourself. Imagine a man calling your daughter an idiot. Imagine her making the choice to tolerate the insults because she saw you participating in that. See it forward and I suspect you will reconsider your need to spew.

My first video ever has been posted on YouTube – Self Care by SmartWoman. It was inspired by Jeannette Maw, the Good Vibe Coach and I hope you enjoy it! Here’s to women and their health! You deserve to enjoy a full measure of self love!

Some of the most inspiring women in this world have what I call a “hidden light” syndrome. They have so much to give, so much creativity to share, and they don’t let others know about it. They shy away from the spotlight and are hesitant to be out front. They keep their brilliance a secret.

For those of you who are actually introverted, I am not pushing you to change your basic personality. I am classified, per all the psychological personality tests I’ve taken, a gregarious introvert. I know it sounds like a oxymoron, but it’s how I feel. I am able to interact fairly easily with someone once I get to know them, but I get energized being in small groups or by myself. Large crowds don’t work as well for me. I enjoy solitude and quiet time. I am a recovering recluse, too, but that’s a different story. What I mean to emphasize is that being an introvert is not a disease or a mistake. If it’s how you are, fine. Feeling shy or introverted is ok.

But, if you are actually not shy but are playing shy and hiding because of a lack of perspective and self-confidence, I am begging you to stop it today, because, contrary to some social programming, hiding isn’t noble. False humility is not honorable, hiding your gifts does not make you more pure, and pretending that people should simply read your mind and know how fabulous you are is a losing business proposition.

Harsh words, I know. I’m sorry if they pinch. But, let’s come to terms with the difference between arrogance and confidence. You don’t have to go out into the market place and hype yourself all up, making inflated promises, hawking your wares like circus goods. You do have to state, with an aware sense of service, what benefits you provide and how your unique expertise can help your clients.

Yes, there is a fine line between being enthusiastic about what you do and how you do it and pushing too hard with empty promises. That’s the key – the word empty.  If you can actually do what you claim to do, it’s not empty. It’s not dishonest so you don’t have to approach it like it’s dirty. The thing to remember is that the more people who know about you, the more your message gets proliferated, the more people you can help. It’s not a popularity contest but rather an opportunity to serve more, to do more good. Good PR is not about satisfying your ego – it’s about reaching people who need you.

How can you help create better PR if you are not yet comfortable with being in the spotlight? Here are some tips:

1.  Ask for testimonials from your clients and other professionals.

Let others speak the words that you feel are too egotistical to say yourself. It’s a great way to be in touch with your previous clients, maybe get some referrals, but also to let someone else toot the horn for you. Ask for feedback on your service, your expertise, your creative problem solving, your pricing, your unique offerings. It might surprise you just how powerful reading that feedback will be for you. It’s touching to know that you affect people’s lives and it’s a very effective marketing technique to use on your website, in your newsletter, in your promotional materials.

2.  Hire a copywriter.

The best marketing includes keywords, benefits, to the point copy, plus graphical emphasis like bullet points and short, direct sentences. Instead of being hindered by a lack of confidence, a hired gun will have a 3rd person, more objective viewpoint to start with. Most copywriters will work to pull out of you everything they can use to featue you in the best light. Let them. Find someone who understands your vision and where you want to go in your business and let them work their magic with words.

3.  Practice.

Sending out press releases or developing a strong introduction ditty (your “elevator speech”) can be a challenge, but it does get easier with practice. Devote some time to learn about promotional strategies, ask your social media network for advice, read some books. For PR opportunities, visit HARO to start offering yourself up as an expert to media. The media is hungry for new points of view and have a 24/7 news cycle to fulfill. Develop a decent PR release using this Press Release Builder template, and just do it. The funny itchy feeling will go away and you will get more business.

Please know that I have every confidence that you deserve to be recogized for your greatness. Hiding just isn’t the answer, so reach out, speak out, and let your light shine! Today, ok?

Together, we are stronger!
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

follow me on Twitter: SmartWoman

Social networking is the latest, greatest tool to help you build traffic to your website and to build your brand. At this point there are too many to mention, but a few you will recognized include twitter, facebook, and myspace. They are a great way to stay connected with literally millions of people. I get it, I love them, and I completely see their value.

I know I should be using this type of marketing fully. You probably should too. But, I am finding that it’s very time consuming. For a business owner, with a thousand other things to keep straight, who has time to go chat? And, once I am there and getting into it, who can break away and not get sucked in? It’s worse than Law and Order reruns!

As hard as it might seem, you and I both have to break through and persevere. Keep in mind that you want to be sure your point of view shines through, but if you are simply adding interesting links and a small blurb to come visit, you can hire (bribe, coerce, otherwise “encourage”–hint, hint, your kids, an intern) people that will help you write. The important thing is that you need to stay visible, and that takes consistency and regularity. Having a dependable presence seems to really impact your success.

I admit that I have not done this.I can also say that when I do, I get visitors to my website from it. So, I am turning over a new leaf. This next week, I am going to make sure my profiles are in good shape and I am going to be active again. I will report back how it works out. Want to play along?

You’re invited to come follow me on Twitter: Follow SmartWoman on Twitter 
Twitter is fun and it helps me meet new people. I have liked it.

My other profiles are definitely not in order, so I will notify you as I fix them. Feel free to shout back with your hook up information. I will be your friend! And, share your stories. Have you ever made a big deal because of social networking? Tell us how it happened.

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

I am thrilled to announce that I have had my first interview! WOW! How exciting and flattering!

Listen in as Chris Brown of BrandandMarket.com asks me about being a female entrepreneur, about what led me to blogging, and what it took to get me here. Special thanks to Chris for inviting me to do this! Be sure to visit her site often–she has a lot of wisdom to offer.

Today I have been focused on my goals for June. Keep an eye out for many cool new things. And, thanks for dropping by. Be sure to tell your friends about us here!

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

NOTE: For those of you with limited time and no desire for the back story, you can go straight to the sign up page by clicking here: Your Internet Cash Machine Book Sampler

Don’t be in such a hurry that you cheat yourself out of the free bonuses info though–read below! It won’t take long and it will be worth it!

For those of you with a minute or two on your hands:

Even though he’s a mega-star of metaphysics now, Joe Vitale, one of the stars of The Secretis one of my original marketing gurus from way back. He’s a really interesting guy and I got to go to his birthday party late last year. The picture above captured the moment (that’s me in the middle!)

He and Jillian Coleman Wheeler co-authored a book about using the internet to build a business, called Your Internet Cash Machine: The Insiders Guide to Making Big Money, Fast!

I worked with Jillian on the book release and can say unequivocally that it is full of great stuff–very practical and relevant, not empty hype and pushy tactics. And, it’s usable on several different business models.

During the book launch marketing process, I helped Jillian create a sampler taken directly from Your Internet Cash Machine and have convinced her to let me offer it here to my readers.

The sampler has enough good ideas in it that you should be able to benefit just reading that alone; that’s how we designed it to be–a true sample of the work, not just teaser material.  You will need to provide your email when you request the sampler so the link can be sent to you directly.

To sign up for your copy of the Your Internet Cash Machine book sampler, click below:
Your Internet Cash Machine Book Sampler

I have also secured permission from Jillian to allow you to visit the purchase bonus page that was originally used for the launch. There you will find literally thousands of dollars of related stuff that you will get to download for free by providing your email and Amazon receipt number.

Here’s how to claim the purchase bonuses:

1. Purchase the book at Amazon or your preferred book seller.
2. Next, go to the bonus website and enter your name and receipt  #.
3. Enjoy your bounty and claim your bonuses!

I signed up for the bonuses and enjoyed them. I can say first hand that I did not get spammed with useless stuff once I did. But, you will have to decide for yourself the tolerance you have for communication with new businesses and their information.

All the bonuses include a good description, so you can opt-in to some and not others (which I confess, I also did–not all of them appealed to me). I have not had any problem later opting-out of various emails too. A very good experience overall.

So, have fun! At least get the Sampler–it’s a good read.

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

p.s. Darn, that’s a good looking launch page, if I say so myself!

I was invited by one of the SmartWoman readers to join a great website for female entrepreneurs and wanted to be sure you all knew about it. The website is Divapreneur.org

You need to be referred by a member, so when you sign up, you should tell them that Vicki Flaugher sent you. You can email me for a private invite  if you’d prefer a direct link. I’ll be happy to get it to you.

Divapreneur is free to sign up and it’s specifically designed to let you promo your business, network with other great women and, in general, find encouraging solidarity as we all ban together toward business success. I signed up tonight and I have already received several warm welcomes. How fun!

Divapreneur is not a stuffy, cubicle dweller’s heaven. Far from it! The website is pink and feminine with multiple organized community groups and lots of female entrepreneur focused marketing. The graphics are fun and sassy. And, it’s easy to connect with other women who can help you.

You can create and customize your own webpage that links to other social networking media and you can start a blog there too. Cool, right? It’s very well done and a seamless presentation.

Divapreneur is the lovechild of Elaine Biss and her journey is an interesting and inspiring one. I can’t wait to get to know her better. Her specific mission is to help women become a success doing what they are passionate about. Elaine, you are officially an honorary SmartWoman. Bravo!

So, go check out Divapreneur.org and take advantage of this amazing network of women. Tell them Vicki Flaugher sent you. Maybe I can talk Elaine into an interview so you can hear how she developed her brilliant idea…Elaine?

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

Qassia is this great encyclopedic website where you can post “intel” for free and get backlinks to your website, advertising credit, and advertising revenue. It’s in private beta-version now so you can only join through invitation so here’s the link
Qassia Private Invitation Link

You add info–not just egghead stuff, but normal stuff–and you get points for it. You get points for posting intel (if it’s original & never published, you get the most). You get points for reviewing and rating other people’s intel. You get points for referrals.

Unlike Wikipedia, your stuff won’t get edited but the users rate it. You can write in any voice or style you want. It can be something as simple as the great neighborhood bars in Soho to a thesis on evolution. Whatever floats your boat!

The points are rewarded in ”Qassia dollars” that determine your ranking on their pages. More networth, more visibility. They are also tossing around the idea that you might get to spend your virtual dollars on other stuff, but that’s not decided yet.

Also, they will pay you 100%  of the revenue from the Adsense ads that people click through while they are on your intel page. So, if you have good stuff that people like reading (and more of it), the likelihood of people clicking on relevant ads goes up. That could mean cha-ching in your bank account!

I have added 16 articles about search engine optimization and internet marketing. If nothing else, go read my articles. If the site looks interesting to you, sign up. Why not, right?

Qassia’s goal is to bloom into a vast intelligence engine, with content that real people, like you and me, create. The community does not encourage pitching, so don’t do it–you will be smacked down for that, but I have had many people visit my blog and email me from the articles I’ve posted.

If you provide real value and service, you will be rewarded. Here’s the link again:
Qassia Private Invitation Link

See what you think!

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

p.s. If you sign up, BE SURE to validate your account through the confirmation email you will receive, otherwise you won’t be properly signed up.

I sometimes get teased for my moniker, but I like it, so I use it. I wrote a manifesto some years ago to sum up my view. I felt I should republish it here to renew the message.

(The picture to the side is by Joyce Roe Flaugher, the original Mom of the original SmartWoman. Isn’t that cool?)

SmartWoman Manifesto

“A Smart Woman uses her entire toolbox of experiences, talents, feelings, logic, intuition, education, and yes, even her mistakes, to live her life authentically engaged. She takes the time to care for herself, evaluate what she really thinks and feels, and acts and reacts from a place of patient love, energized compassion, and balanced accountability. Choices are opportunities and she welcomes them. Opportunity leads to her future and she faces that future with a ready and willing heart and a nimble and open mind.

A Smart Woman respects others’ points of view while still making her own choices. She gives generously to others while nurturing herself. She knows the value of boundaries and is skillful in using them to build stronger relationships. She speaks up when she needs to and she knows how and when to supportively listen as she keeps her vision of peace and tolerance in sight. She knows when to walk away, wishing luck and best wishes to those who are on another path. She knows and values her true worth.

Adaptable, caring, capable, and clever, a Smart Woman embraces life and triumphantly whoops and hollers her way to joy. She claims her power and her divine birthright, as each of us do, in a myriad of infinitely beautiful and unique ways, creating a fulfilling life as a Smart Woman. She’s not out to prove anything to anybody. She is here to learn, live, love, laugh, and contribute.

I believe we all have a lot to share, to communicate, to witness, and to celebrate. I would feel honored and thrilled to know you are by my side. So, what do you think? Are you ready to explore? I hope so, because today, I am making firm plans and those plans include you. I am a Smart Woman with firm plans. Are you?”

Side note: If you google “smart woman” you see there are lots of others who are in solidarity. I have tried logging on to enough websites where the username “smartwoman” is already taken, so I must be on to something…

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the  original SmartWoman

p.s. I promised in my weekend post to solidify “what I call what I do”. Here’s my first draft: “I empower female entrepreneurs by providing services and products that help facilitate their success.”

Not sure it’s a keeper, but what about you? What do you call what you do?  Do share!

Are you curious about what the Internet thinks of you? If so, Google yourself!

We are all focused on satisfying our clients, developing products and services, and all the other administrative, sales, and marketing activities that go with running a business. It’s not always so easy to take a step out of our bubbles and see how others see us. But, it’s crucial.

As women, some of us are a bit shy about our image. We don’t necessarily want to be in the spotlight. And,  we tend to shy away from our missteps. We’d rather hide under a rock than objectively examine our mistakes. But, I would ask you to consider this:

If you get a glimpse of you and your business from the outside, you will learn things about how and why you get new sales (or not) and also how you can contribute even more. And, it’s kinda fun!

So, this weekend, as a professional curiousity, go Google yourself–your personal name, your business name, your website name, maybe your executives’ names. If you have extra time, type in the words that describe the service you provide and see what comes up. It can be a real eye opener.

All I am asking you to do is to see what you see. It’s about awareness, not shame or judgement. See it all. Be ok with it. You can and will change what you don’t like but you have to see it first

Notice what blurps come up with your web page descriptions–would YOU click on it to buy what you’re selling? How many pages are you on? Who is there along with you? What are your competitors doing that you could learn from?

Notice who mentions you. If you don’t know them, you should.  Business is all about relationships and you could build some new ones with people who are already mentioning you.

Don’t neglect to notice where you are doing a great job also. This is an exercise in finding the good too, not just the not-so-good. You are bound to be doing things right and it can be very satisfying to become aware of that. It’s important to celebrate when you find gold. (Victory dances are encouraged.)

So, until next time, have fun and report back what you discover!

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

p.s. I  discovered that a link to SmartWoman is now available in Russian–how cool is that?