I am challenged by making small talk. When I go to social gatherings, I have to force myself to circulate, introduce myself, and keep a conversation going past “What do you do?”. I find that I want to go deeper, to get to the know the person more, to move past social niceties and really talk about something meaningful and real. So often, social networking events seem pitchy and fake, and I just don’t enjoy that.

I know there are books about networking, and I’ve read many of them, but I have not yet gotten over the discomfort of the whole thing. Earlier this year, I decided I would do it anyway, get myself out there, and simply connect. I’m here to say, it’s been so totally worth it. And, since I know I am not the only one who faces this challenge, here are some tips that I use to make it all work.

• Be willing to go alone to the event.
  It’s easy, especially if you’re nervous, to use the person you already know, that comes with you to an event, as a crutch. Make the mental note that your new friends, the ones you don’t know yet, are there waiting for you. Being alone at a party also attracts the kind people, the ones who naturally reach out to others, to come say hello to you. Those are the types you want to meet.
   
• Ask questions.
  You don’t want to come off as an FBI secret agent interrogator, but when you don’t know what to say, ask a question. Getting people to talk about themselves is flattering and will give you further information on what you can talk about next. Notice the words a person uses, the speed of their speech, their preferences, but don’t ever quit listening to what they are saying. Hear them with directed attention. Don’t just be formulating your next question. Really care about the answer and you will garner friends. And, when they come back with their own questions, be ready to talk about something interesting, memorable and personal. Be transparent, and talk about things you value. Your business card has all your business info on it – people need to meet YOU. Let them get to know you.
   
• Attend physical meetups of your online social communities.
  Be sure to have your social media contact info on your business card. Give people who know you via email, Twitter, Facebook, forums, and other social online communities a way to connect your online persona with the real live you. My name is Vicki Flaugher when I introduce myself at gatherings, but I am SmartWoman online. Connect the dots so people will realize who you are. The ability to make a deeper connection more quickly and easily is just one more reason to have a current picture on your online profiles, too. I’ve been recognized in public from that and I had an immediate rapport with the person who recognized me because of our online history together. Because of that, we didn’t have to start from square one building our relationship further.
   
• Connect with connectors.
  One of the easiest and fastest ways to build a stong network is to seek out and meet connectors, people who are the center of influence for a larger group. Mavens who naturally facilitate connections for others can be an amazing resource and are usually personable, easy to get to know, and extremely helpful. It’s in their blood, and it’s something they do naturally. If that doesn’t describe you, then make friends with a maven. They will do some of the heavy lifting for you in making great connections. One word of caution: Don’t try to be friends with people you don’t like. If you don’t click with someone, even if they have thousands of uber powerful friends, don’t force a relationship. It will come back to bite you and you will end up on a black list somewhere. Let your natural energetic attractiveness help draw the right individuals to you – it will feel right, you’ll enjoy the interaction, and it will work. If it doesn’t, there’s a good reason. Move on to someone else. Your perfect connector is out there.
   
• If there’re not any events happening, host one.
  One of the best ways to network is to host an event. People seek you out to thank you, they introduce themselves, and they appreciate your service. You don’t hardly have to reach out at all, and you can use the guise of checking on your guests to interject yourself into smaller group conversations. Do this skillfully and you will begin being seen as a connector, and others will be drawn to network with you. Working the mojo from both angles is very effective. Giving to others, being charitable with your time, being willing to host an event, will come back to you in goodwill.

I  hope these tips help you. If you have others, please post them in the comments section.

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

follow me at http://twitter.com/smartwoman

When setting up your profile, whether it’s on your blog, your eBay page, your youpublish account, your twitter page, your qassia page, or whatever, there are a few important things to include. Here’s a short list to get you started:

1.  Your viewpoint

Always, always, always let your personality show through. You have a few seconds. Use them wisely. First impressions count. Don’t forget that you are a unique person, so be sure to demonstrate that uniqueness. Ease up a bit on the pitch and be tastefully revealing about your thoughts and feeling. Talk about what you value, your passion and goals, and your hopes in what they will get out of meeting you. If you have a motto, mantra, or catch phrase, weave it in skillfully, but weave it in somehow.

2.  Benefits of interacting with you vs. others

Think of what you offer in terms of how it benefits the visitor and in terms of your difference in the market place. If most others in your marketplace are weak on customer service, you’d mention your great service (assuming it’s your specialty). If you cater to a specific, underserved market, say so. Give people a reason to pick you instead of the next person. It’s not so much about competition but rather focus on what you can give that no one else does.

3.  Your picture

Pick a recent color picture of your face relatively close up and post it. In some markets a caricature or a creative avatar could work, but not most markets. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a smiling picture – sometimes gravitas is what you need to demonstrate. And avoid the fakey Glamour shots thing. Remember that this is another opportunity to demonstrate yourself as a personality, a real person. It’s not a prom photo, mugshot, or a formal posed shot. This picture should be another motivator that spurs people to get to know you better. 

 4.  Contact Information

Be sure that you give information on how a person can contact you, either via email, through your website, or whatever. It’s important that you honor whatever terms of service apply here, so don’t post external links on sites that don’t like you doing that, or include your personal phone if that is forbidden. Be safe, be smart, but give your visitors a way to contact you easily. Your profile is essentially an invitation to get to know you more, so assume they like you and ask them to move forward with you.

 5.  Goodies

If you give a free ebook for signing up for your newsletter, it’s good to mention that in your profile. It’s good service to inform someone as to what they could get if they took action. Then, be sure that the link you give them takes them to the page where they can sign up, not just your general home page. If you simply dump visitors into a general page that doesn’t take them to where they need to be to get their prize, they will get frustrated and blow you off. They’ll feel duped and that’s never good.

When writing your profile, be somewhat concise but don’t be afraid to blow your own horn a bit. Tailor how you say what you say to appeal to your ideal customer. That way, the people that won’t like what you’re doing won’t even check you out and no one’s time gets wasted. The whole point of targeted marketing is to know your ideal customer intimately enough that you know what matters to them and then, simply give them that. They’ll love you for it.

Only spammers have empty profiles. Go check yours out and make sure they’re in shape. There’s no crime in them not being in shape yet, but it’s a real shame if you leave it that way. People care about your story and your viewpoint. Give them a chance to discover them!

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

Social networking is the latest, greatest tool to help you build traffic to your website and to build your brand. At this point there are too many to mention, but a few you will recognized include twitter, facebook, and myspace. They are a great way to stay connected with literally millions of people. I get it, I love them, and I completely see their value.

I know I should be using this type of marketing fully. You probably should too. But, I am finding that it’s very time consuming. For a business owner, with a thousand other things to keep straight, who has time to go chat? And, once I am there and getting into it, who can break away and not get sucked in? It’s worse than Law and Order reruns!

As hard as it might seem, you and I both have to break through and persevere. Keep in mind that you want to be sure your point of view shines through, but if you are simply adding interesting links and a small blurb to come visit, you can hire (bribe, coerce, otherwise “encourage”–hint, hint, your kids, an intern) people that will help you write. The important thing is that you need to stay visible, and that takes consistency and regularity. Having a dependable presence seems to really impact your success.

I admit that I have not done this.I can also say that when I do, I get visitors to my website from it. So, I am turning over a new leaf. This next week, I am going to make sure my profiles are in good shape and I am going to be active again. I will report back how it works out. Want to play along?

You’re invited to come follow me on Twitter: Follow SmartWoman on Twitter 
Twitter is fun and it helps me meet new people. I have liked it.

My other profiles are definitely not in order, so I will notify you as I fix them. Feel free to shout back with your hook up information. I will be your friend! And, share your stories. Have you ever made a big deal because of social networking? Tell us how it happened.

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman