What would your world look like if the new business model is play? What if, like my first private party karaoke host gig, you got paid great money for having loads of fun?

It might sound crazy or even unobtainable, but I am a firm believer in attitude. How we approach the things we do is very important. If you see your work as a joy, something that you are privileged to do, like an interesting puzzle that needs to be solved, or a dance that you have the distinct honor to jam out to, doesn’t everyone benefit?

If building your business is drudgery, a life sentence of misery and pain, what good does that do anyone? Not only does worry and negativity close off creativity but it makes you a grouch. Who wants to hang around a grouch? Oh, maybe you can brag that you are some kind of holier than thou entrepreneur, choosing your hours, “in control”, but who cares if no one ever wants to be with you? I can promise you that no matter how financially successful you get, if you don’t have friends and family, you are doomed.

And the children….what example are we giving our children if work is no better than slavery? Dilbert may be funny, but usually only in an uncomfortable, self-deprecating, fatalistic way. Most people laugh at Dilbert cartoons because they cut. And don’t even kid yourself that your children don’t notice. They notice everything. Is a legacy of dreaded 9-5 the example we want to leave them?

So, I’m throwing down a play challenge. Approach your work like play this week and see what happens. Maybe it won’t make you feel better or more creative. Maybe it will. How are you going to know until you try it? Play at your work like you would climbing a tree – remember how that felt? The decision, the challenge, the determined effort, the puzzle of which way to go, the triumph and exhilaration once you reach the highest branch? And, call out to me when you’ve reached the highest branch you can reach and I will cheer you on for your deed. Do it for the children, ok?

Lately I’ve noticed some interesting changes about my motivation. I find that when I watch a lot of doom and gloom news, I lose my steam. It’s also easy to realize how much time I could waste away if I watch TV during my work day. So, I figured you might be facing these same issues too and wanted to offer some suggestions to help.

1.  Get TiVo or DVR

Rather than completely deny yourself your favorite daytime shows, try recording them to watch during a non-work time. Not only can you reduce your overall viewing time by fast forwarding through the commercials (well, except that adorably funny E-trade baby), you can also avoid interrupting your work day.

By recording these guilty pleasures and time shifting your viewing, you also avoid the resentment that comes from having to give them up completely.  It’s an effect I call the “bonbon jealousy effect” – that sinking feeling that if you were only more successful or rich or clever that you could be sitting on the sofa eating bonbons watching Oprah instead of working. Well, by using TiVo or DVR, you can have the best of both worlds!

2.  Do a mind-body connection reality check

When you are listening to the latest breaking report about an airplane crash, or war, or economic recession, take a deep breath and ask yourself how you are feeling. Are you jittery? Depressed? Anxious? Tense? Is this the feeling that you want people to feel working with you? If not, don’t choose it for your own environment either. You will absorb that negativity and you will pass it on, either to your kids, or your partner, or your clients. Dump the gloom.

I understand that you need to stay informed. But, do you have to watch hours of news about a catastrophe? You’d be better off taking action, like donating to the cause, or spending the precious time you have in this life with your family. And, more importantly, how much time do you spend watching uplifting, inspirational stories or maybe light  hearted comedys? Shift the ratio a bit and you will notice it’s easier to work and stay happy. I personally recommend the laughing babies you can find on YouTube. Major medicinal value for your spirit…

3.  Online video viewing counts as “TV”

I can’t tell you how many people I talk to that say they don’t “watch TV” but they spend hours online watching videos. Even a Twitter freak like me recognizes the perils of too much computer surfing. Not only will your arms, fingers, and shoulders begin to ache from overuse, but your eyes will start twitching and you’ll feel exhausted from viewing a glowy box for so long.

Commit to a window of time when you’re allowed to watch and absolutely, without exception, schedule time unplugged too. Sunshine is a marvelous thing and long distance viewing (versus close in like when you are watching your computer monitor) will preserve your eyesight. And, the life balance that occurs from incorporating various methods of interfacing with other people will help keep you on track.

My last thought is this – go for the good stuff. Watching reruns just to zone out isn’t really the best option. If a movie you’ve already watched comes on at 2 am when you have insomnia, don’t just zone out – make it special. Pop some popcorn, drink some wine, whatever, but refuse to participate in passive entertainment unless you are living it up when you do it – especially if it’s been there done that material.

Entertainment and distraction is an essential part of staying creative. Numbing yourself out with video isn’t part of that equation. So, pass the remote and truly enjoy what you watch. It can be fun and it can be part of a work at home life.

Together, we are stronger!
Vicki Flaugher, the  original SmartWoman

Victoria Pynchon is an amazing woman. After being top of her law class, with 25 years experience as an accomplished corporate litigator managing complex cases, she decided to make a change. Instead of continuing to play the role of trained assassin, always fighting for the hardcore kill, she moved into alternative dispute resolution – mediation and arbitration.

Victoria generously visited with me for about an hour to have a kitchen table chat. As we both make ourselves lunch, we chatted about how we met on Twitter, why we made the choice of working for ourselves, and a few other day to day niceties. She has a delightful personality that makes it easy to understand why she is so successful at facilitating agreements in her work.

Our conversation moved into Victoria’s career choices and how they have affected her life. Victoria shared with me the challenges of working in a male dominated field and how those experiences helped to shape her choices. She also candidly revealed the wear and tear that always working toward a win at all costs rather than a negotiated settlement had on her, which is one of the primary reasons she shifted from being a litigator to a negotiation specialist.

After this initial warm up conversation between the two of us, it was time to turn on the recorder and cover the topic at hand – negotiation.

We covered the different styles of negotiation, distributive and interest-based, and the characteristic behaviors of each. She also shared how moving to interest-based negotiation enhances women’s ability to win negotiations and how we can use our inherent tendencies to succeed.

We talked about how all women can negotiate better to not only enhance relationships but also get what we truly desire. She shares her insights into the reasons why women might not choose to negotiate, how to do it better, and when not to do it.

Life is about choices and we are negotiating on many levels for many things every day. If it’s presenting our business plan to an investor, closing sales, getting our child dressed for school, or asking our husband to take out the trash, we are negotiating. Victoria talks about how we can use our innate nurturing natures as women to make better choices, even in a world of dog eat dog competition. By asking questions, by being empathetic, by doing our homework before a negotiation, by understanding that in fact we are in a negotiation, we can live better lives. We can make the pie bigger and more delicious.

To listen to the interview:

To download to listen later:

Victoria recommends several books and I have placed the links below. I have also placed all of her contact information so you can stay in touch with her. As you navigate (and negotiate) the holiday season,  have fun and be well. Love each other, share the information, and enjoy the conversation!

Follow Victoria on Twitter: vpynchon

Her blog on negotiation: Settle It Now Blog
Her blog on Intellectual Property Alternative Dispute Resolution: IP ADR Blog

Leigh Thompson’s book on developing the heart and mind of a negotiator.
To visit Leah’s site: Leigh Thompson’s site

Dr. Deborah Tannen’s book on the differences of men and women in communication style. To learn more about Dr. Tannen, visit her bio page here: Dr. Tannen Bio

Ask For It Site

I am about to a launch a new blog and am researching information for it. As some of you may know, I am working to lower my high blood pressure. I am doing everything I can to use natural methods. And, in the course of my research, I have stumbled across some amazing information about the healing properties of food. Yes, the every day, ordinary act of eating certain foods can act like medicine, strong medicine. Hmm….

This discovery got me thinking – what other every day actions create extraordinary results? So, I have compiled a list for you to ponder. Please add to this with your own ideas and thoughts via the comment section.

Every Day Actions That Can Create Extraordinary Results:

1.  Generosity – How many times have you gone the extra mile and been more than rewarded for your extra effort? Myself, many. Microlending in third world countries is a great example. For less than $200, you can facilitate an entire lifetime of revenue earning potential for an entire village. Wow. That’s an extraordinary result. In business, when I have freely shared my knowledge, it always paid off, in both money and other intangible gifts. I have received free gifts, I have received new business, and I have received prestige and respect. If you are a generous person, the new kid on the block who can turn into the next big thing is more likely to show up on your door than someone else’s. If you were a publisher with a reputation for generosity, how would snagging the next Stephen King (because they knew you’d listen and give your time) affect your bottom line? Extraordinarily well, I suspect.

 2.  Kindness – Has anyone ever told you that you said just the right thing at just the right time to make them want to keep on keeping on? Or, maybe you demonstrated kindness to a stranger and someone saw you do it and became your dear friend? You were just being you, acting like you’d want to be treated, and goodness came from it. When you habitually do this every day, it comes back to you. As a child, the bible story about an angel of God visiting in disguise really stuck with me. I imagine that every person is God who is coming to visit, because you never know when an angel is at your door. And grace is an extraordinary thing. In business, being kind also builds in slack. People will tolerate errors more sympathetically if you act kindly toward them. Being mean doesn’t build you any credits for when things go wrong. Kindness does and that can literally save your business from disaster.

3.  Integrity – Some might argue that integrity is not an every day “ordinary” thing, but I disagree. I believe that people want to do the right thing as a natural impulse. They like the idea that they don’t have to hide behind a story and keep lies straight to interact. They like to feel welcome as they are. When you demonstrate integrity, having values and living by them, you demonstrate an acceptance of others. You tell them it’s ok to be themselves, that it’s safe to be with you. You tell them you are confident enough in who you are and grounded enough in what you believe in for them to be themselves too. It makes room for people to relax because they don’t feel they will be manipulated, or taken advantage of, or hurt. They put down their guard and extend you trust. If you’ve ever looked into the eyes of a widow or an abused child, you know the extraordinary potential of trust. In business, you gain lifetime clients who refer you and you alone to everyone they know. That can lead to extraordinary results, just by being willing to demonstate integrity, something you do every day.

Please understand that I am not suggesting you demonstrate these traits just for the sake of getting something in return. That’s not my point at all. Rather, when you are yourself, and you allow the every day things that are your nature to shine through, it does pay off. It makes it all the sweeter and more potent that you did them freely. A gift truly has no strings attached, or it’s not a gift. Give your gifts and you will have joy and success. It’s that simple.

Now it’s your turn – What every day actions do you do that have lead to extraordinary results? Let us know!

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

One of the challenges I see women entrepreneurs who work at home face is setting a work at home schedule. The TV tempts, the kids want attention, the dishes need to be done, and it can get difficult to stick to a disciplined schedule. Here are some suggestions to help:

1.  Honor your and your family’s natural personal rhythms.

If you don’t do well at math or accounting right after you wake up, don’t do it then. If you would rather talk to people after lunch, fine. If Wednesday is a super distracting and chaotic Soccer and Ballet class day, it’s ok to schedule a day off from work those days. Forcing yourself to do things against your grain will suck the very life out of you and you will resent your new business.

One word of caution here: if you naturally put off scary things (like closing a sale) or know you get bored doing repetitive but crucial tasks (like bookkeeping or web maintenance), you have to get help. Either get help facing and overcoming your fears or be woman enough to hire someone. Not doing them at all probably won’t work. If the issue is serious enough, you should probably reconsider if you’re even in the right business for you or if you should be in business at all. If you’re naturally an outdoor person and you’ve created an all-indoor business,  you are swimming upstream. Be honest with yourself about what you like to do and structure your business activities accordingly.

2.  Set weekly goals rather than daily goals when possible:

Of course, if the train leaves on Tuesday at 2 pm, you’d better be there. No avoiding that deadline. But, by lengthening your goal due dates where you can, you build in flexibility. If you arbitrarily say Tuesday at 2 pm this to-do item must be done, or….or what? You’ve “failed” if you miss the deadline, right? Isn’t that how it feels when you miss a due date, even when it was completely arbitrary? Why do that to yourself? How much energy are you going to have to keep working if you set yourself up to be a failure all the time? Don’t this to your psyche. Working for yourself is challenging enough without approaching your goals this way. It’s better to say this week, I will accomplish this task. You can schedule a specific proposed time to get it done, but the actual goal is more flexible. This allows for you to manage the unexpected and allows you to implement significantly more creativity into your days. It’s just so much more fun and satisfying, so you’re more likely to keep doing it. Keeping at it is the name of the game.

3.  Schedule your work to match with your client’s schedules:

If you have to talk with clients in Hong Kong, you have to talk to them when they’re awake. No getting around that. If your biggest client only works on Tuesday and Thursday morning, that’s when you will have to work too. If most of your clients only take calls to set appointments in the early AM before their day starts spirialing out of control, that’s when you will call, even if it defies your natural personal rhythms. I will repeat again because I feel it is super important – if your work schedule requirements go too heavily against your natural personal rhythms, don’t just try to grin and bear it – hire someone to do that work that loves working during those times. With virtual assistants available worldwide, there is no reason to not at least explore the possibilities. Your clients will know you hate what you’re doing and you won’t be successful at it. Don’t be a scrooge – be a boss. You’re the CEO of your company, so act like one. Solve the problems, don’t just suffer through them. Not loving what you do is a problem. Take action to fix it.

4.  Reward yourself by punching out on time:

Part of setting a work at home schedule is committing to a time when you will quit working for the day as well as how many days or hours you will work each week. In my opinion (and I know you will hear differently from others), hard work is not the secret. Focusing on your unique gifts and on the most important tasks are what’s important. Get out of the worker bee mentality and become a visionary. Visionaries take sabatticals, they go on vision quests, and they give their minds room to roam. That means they take time away from the office, for themselves, for their family, for their health, and for unabashed fun.

We all sincerely desire a life of meaning.  As the old adage goes, no one ever sat on their death bed wishing they had spent more time at the office. And, being off of work isn’t just about going to the next set of household tasks. It’s about resting, rejuvenating, relaxing, and recovering. Reading a novel, not another business education text. Eating good food, working in your gardening, traveling - all the finer things in life that don’t revolve around work. Go to a party in a gorgeous dress and don’t bring any business cards (they hardly fit into a proper evening bag anyway – there’s a reason for that…). Give yourself space to be a full person. You will get more done in smarter ways if you give your brain and body a rest.

I hope these tips work for you. I guess it’s easy to see that I believe in life balance, right? I do.  And, I wish you the best of successs. You’re invited to comment here on how you schedule yourself successfully.

Together, we are stronger!
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

Contrary to some people’s belief, men watch Oprah. Some do it in secret, some openly, but they do (I’ve heard their confessions, so I can testify). These guys are real men, not “wussy” men. They watch, not because they have to, but rather because they want to. Of course there are those who only show up to keep their wives happy, but that doesn’t account for all of them (although you have to give a guy credit if he actively tries to please his wife, right?)

Why is this important for female entrepreneurs? Entrepreneurs, both male and female, but especially females, need a support group. They need people surrounding them who understand what they are working towards, what they are going through. Beyond business mentors and coaches, keeping ourselves involved with companions who nurture our emotional side as well as encourage our professional side is crucial to success.

You know about the “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” thing (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex) It’s easy to assume unilaterally that men don’t “get” us but it’s simply not true.  And, maybe every man doesn’t relate but the ones who do are like gold.

Seek out the support you need from the men in your life. Let them in. Don’t put them down or tease them about getting in touch with their feminine side. Give them the space to add their viewpoint. Encourage them to encourage you.

As a simple exercise, invite your male loved ones to watch Oprah with you. Discuss the show. Listen to their opinion. Let them give to you. Be willing to share without requiring a “Yes, dear”. Don’t be discouraged if you aren’t in sync in all ways, but find the ways that you are in tune. And, even if you are one of the women who doesn’t like Oprah, find ways to spend time and share your ideas, hopes, and dreams with the men you cherish and the men who cherish you. Your business will be enriched for it.

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

I need to know: What kind of female entrepreneur are you?

• Do you create physical products? If so, what are they?
• Do you own a service or consulting business? If so, what service do you provide?
• Do you have a MLM (multi-level marketing) business like Airbonne or a distribution business of some sort? Tell us all about what you promote.
• Do you own a manufacturing facility? What do you make?
• Are you an internet business woman, using affiliate revenues and internet marketing to build revenue streams?
• Are you a celebrity or author or speaker building her brand? What’s your message?
• Are you a stay-at-home mompreneur or WAHM?
• Have you taken leadership of the family business? What does it do in the market place?
• Are you a Dilberta in cubicle nation, secretly planning her escape, whose entrepreneur’s heart is full of hope and promise?
• Are you an advocate or activist or politician?
• Are you an inventor or artist or something else I haven’t mentioned yet?

Here’s your chance to sign on, get a link from our site leading back to yours, and share with us what you do.

The reason I want input is, one, I am curious and two, I recognize that women entrepreneurs are not a monolithic demographic. Although we have many similarities, the sub-segments of us all have different needs and goals. I, for example, do not have children. Although I can try to imagine the needs and concerns of a parent, I don’t truly know. I don’t have to make those sacrifices, nor do I get to experience those joys. I haven’t ever lived there.

I am a true believer that together we are stronger. It’s not just my motto, it’s my mantra. I find our differences interesting because I am a constant learner. I need other people, and specifically other women entrepreneurs, to understand my own entrepreneur’s journey. It gives me context and new ideas. So I am asking for your help for a selfish reason. I need you. I need you present to understand myself. My rewards in life are only complete if they are shared.

So, what do you say? Post a comment about what you do. I know you’re out there. Would you share with me and with all of us? I’d love it if you would.

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

NOTE: For those of you with limited time and no desire for the back story, you can go straight to the sign up page by clicking here: Your Internet Cash Machine Book Sampler

Don’t be in such a hurry that you cheat yourself out of the free bonuses info though–read below! It won’t take long and it will be worth it!

For those of you with a minute or two on your hands:

Even though he’s a mega-star of metaphysics now, Joe Vitale, one of the stars of The Secretis one of my original marketing gurus from way back. He’s a really interesting guy and I got to go to his birthday party late last year. The picture above captured the moment (that’s me in the middle!)

He and Jillian Coleman Wheeler co-authored a book about using the internet to build a business, called Your Internet Cash Machine: The Insiders Guide to Making Big Money, Fast!

I worked with Jillian on the book release and can say unequivocally that it is full of great stuff–very practical and relevant, not empty hype and pushy tactics. And, it’s usable on several different business models.

During the book launch marketing process, I helped Jillian create a sampler taken directly from Your Internet Cash Machine and have convinced her to let me offer it here to my readers.

The sampler has enough good ideas in it that you should be able to benefit just reading that alone; that’s how we designed it to be–a true sample of the work, not just teaser material.  You will need to provide your email when you request the sampler so the link can be sent to you directly.

To sign up for your copy of the Your Internet Cash Machine book sampler, click below:
Your Internet Cash Machine Book Sampler

I have also secured permission from Jillian to allow you to visit the purchase bonus page that was originally used for the launch. There you will find literally thousands of dollars of related stuff that you will get to download for free by providing your email and Amazon receipt number.

Here’s how to claim the purchase bonuses:

1. Purchase the book at Amazon or your preferred book seller.
2. Next, go to the bonus website and enter your name and receipt  #.
3. Enjoy your bounty and claim your bonuses!

I signed up for the bonuses and enjoyed them. I can say first hand that I did not get spammed with useless stuff once I did. But, you will have to decide for yourself the tolerance you have for communication with new businesses and their information.

All the bonuses include a good description, so you can opt-in to some and not others (which I confess, I also did–not all of them appealed to me). I have not had any problem later opting-out of various emails too. A very good experience overall.

So, have fun! At least get the Sampler–it’s a good read.

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman

p.s. Darn, that’s a good looking launch page, if I say so myself!

I sometimes get teased for my moniker, but I like it, so I use it. I wrote a manifesto some years ago to sum up my view. I felt I should republish it here to renew the message.

(The picture to the side is by Joyce Roe Flaugher, the original Mom of the original SmartWoman. Isn’t that cool?)

SmartWoman Manifesto

“A Smart Woman uses her entire toolbox of experiences, talents, feelings, logic, intuition, education, and yes, even her mistakes, to live her life authentically engaged. She takes the time to care for herself, evaluate what she really thinks and feels, and acts and reacts from a place of patient love, energized compassion, and balanced accountability. Choices are opportunities and she welcomes them. Opportunity leads to her future and she faces that future with a ready and willing heart and a nimble and open mind.

A Smart Woman respects others’ points of view while still making her own choices. She gives generously to others while nurturing herself. She knows the value of boundaries and is skillful in using them to build stronger relationships. She speaks up when she needs to and she knows how and when to supportively listen as she keeps her vision of peace and tolerance in sight. She knows when to walk away, wishing luck and best wishes to those who are on another path. She knows and values her true worth.

Adaptable, caring, capable, and clever, a Smart Woman embraces life and triumphantly whoops and hollers her way to joy. She claims her power and her divine birthright, as each of us do, in a myriad of infinitely beautiful and unique ways, creating a fulfilling life as a Smart Woman. She’s not out to prove anything to anybody. She is here to learn, live, love, laugh, and contribute.

I believe we all have a lot to share, to communicate, to witness, and to celebrate. I would feel honored and thrilled to know you are by my side. So, what do you think? Are you ready to explore? I hope so, because today, I am making firm plans and those plans include you. I am a Smart Woman with firm plans. Are you?”

Side note: If you google “smart woman” you see there are lots of others who are in solidarity. I have tried logging on to enough websites where the username “smartwoman” is already taken, so I must be on to something…

Together, we are stronger.
Vicki Flaugher, the  original SmartWoman

p.s. I promised in my weekend post to solidify “what I call what I do”. Here’s my first draft: “I empower female entrepreneurs by providing services and products that help facilitate their success.”

Not sure it’s a keeper, but what about you? What do you call what you do?  Do share!

I am a little bit of a list maker. Not totally obsessive, but bad enough. And, I have made lots of lists that include my goals for my entrepreneur adventure and business success. Not a darned one of them got accomplished by being on that list.

Now, please don’t get me wrong. I watched The Secret(and loved it) and I have dozens of Brian Tracy books and tapes (like Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time), and I believe in focus. But a goal cannot stand on its own. You must take action and it must be the right action to achieve what you desire. See if you relate to any of these downsides to goals:

Sometimes the act of distilling down a proper goal drains the energy off it. You feel like you’ve accomplished so much because you’ve spent so much mental energy capturing it with the perfect wording and description. By being so exacting you’ve taken away the excitement of the journey and it feels too clinical to do, so, well, you don’t.

Sometimes you make it so small it should be a to-do item not a goal, or you make it so big that it should be on a miracles list. Something so small seems hardly worth any effort and the enormous goal seems overwhelming and unachievable. Either way, it still does not get done.

I’m going to go off the beaten path now–one of the other downsides of goals (and rigidly seeking them) is you leave no room for the wonder and mystery of the Universe to do Its stuff. If you had all the answers and had found the definitive, perfect way to achieve satisfaction, success, and progress, you would be doing it, right? Why write that down at all?

Truth is, most of us aren’t completely sure. We think we know the best way, we have done our best to figure it out, but ultimately, we hope so, not know so. If we don’t open our hearts and minds to the unknown and trust that the very best options are there for us to discover, how will we ever know so? The Universe wants to cooperate with us–let’s give Her some room to speak to us!

Next time you decide you need to write out your goals, be honest with yourself. Look at what you hope to gain, not just the thing itself. In the same way a middle aged man may want a Ferrari (when he really wants to feel young again, not own a new car), so too we much ask for the truest end. Take the time to investigate what would make you happy and move you forward and ask for that thing directly. Sure, make lists that lead you there, but never forget that the journey is part of the fun. Flexibility is a blessing.

And, when you’re done with your list, add “this or something better for the greatest good of all”. Then, TAKE ACTION! Get moving and you will achieve. Let the journey, not the process of preparing for the journey, be your joy.

Until next time, remember–together, we are stronger!
Vicki Flaugher, the original SmartWoman